Dodo Eggs

What is in the human blueprint that allows us to complain without end?  Like the unfixable reaches of space or time’s infinite weave, the only thing that limits someone’s ability to complain is the length of our lifespan.  Sometimes it’s justified; most often it’s pointless and repetitive.  To the objective listener, it almost always casts the complainer in a bad light. 

With that in mind, I’d like to present to you may list of complaints in no particular order. 

#1-  KFC’s Chicken “Sandwich” -  I’m not a big fan of fried chicken so it’s a rare occasion to find me sitting in a Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Now, you’d have a better chance of finding me in a Bohemian Fried Dodo. 

After a morning of garage sales with my wife (note:  Not only was this my last time in a KFC it was also the last time I wasted time looking at other’s junk.)  Melissa convinced me to stop at a KFC because it was “on the way.”  I relented.  Since I didn’t care for fried chicken, I choose what should be a safe choice at a restaurant specializing in chicken…a common chicken sandwich.

I received a sagging, squished, white bun and a piece of dry chicken product.  If KFC can’t do a chicken sandwich right, it’s a good thing I didn’t order the Colonel’s beef burrito.

#2 – Showers Left on in the Locker Room – It’s not terribly unusual to walk into the men’s locker room and find one or two showers running full blast with NO ONE IN SIGHT!  Who knows how long they’ve been running?!  Listen to this…someone waltzed in, turned the faucet, soaked up some hot water, then WALKED AWAY LEAVING THE HOT WATER RUNNING! 

If you throw trash out your car window, you’re thoughtless but at least you have a cleaner car.  If you’re done with the shower, why wouldn’t you twist the handle and shut it off?  It takes .3245 of a second!  (I think these are the same people who leave poop in the bowl with no toilet paper.  So, not only did they forget to flush but they also forgot to…   Happens all the time.)

#3 – Nine and Ten Year Olds that Carry Middle-Aged Bellies- I see this at the pool all the time.  A young boy who’s carrying too much weight…waaaay too much weight.  My problem isn’t with the kid; it’s with the parents.  In a very real way, I become angry with parents that let their children put on so many pounds.  Let’s see…it compromises their confidence and how they will come to perceive themselves as adults WITH THE ADDED BONUS of getting a much advanced start on destroying their health. 

Would these parents bother to pull their kids out of the way of a semi-truck?  Of course!  Would they save them from a lifetime of embarrassment and health problems?  Nope.
 
#4 – Seventh Graders – I teach them so, well, that’s it.  The book would write itself.

#5 – Marriage nixing The Thrill of New Love – A good marriage is one of the sweetest pleasures in life and is defiantly the weightier of these two.  That being said…what a shame to miss the thrill of finding a new love or the potential that comes with flirting with someone new.  The extra long stare from someone you just meant and the almost unlimited potential that person represents.  One implied part of saying, “I do” is saying, “I won’t.”

#6 – No Milk in the Refrigerator – Is there one food staple that you ABSOULUTLY must have in the house or you’re unhappy?  If you don’t have it, it throws your entire day or routine into a tailspin?  Maybe it’s coffee, bread or (but hopefully not) beer. 

Wow.  It looks like I was right.  Writing a complaint post WAS easy!

“Ok, today we’re talking about something extreeeemleeee important.  Please stop texting your love interests and drunken roommates.”

Almost half of the student’s heads turned up to make sure the prof wasn’t speaking directly to them.

“And those of you in the back…yea, I’m speaking to you…you’re not fooling anyone!  Stop surfing the Internet for a while and take some actual notes!”

A quieted voice from somewhere in the back responded, “We don’t say ‘surf’ anymore.”

Dr. Balzag was a short, bearded man with slightly overgrown eyebrows and hard-core bend toward the old fashioned.  He took pride in his tweed suits and bow ties.  Wearing open toed sandals was a bone he threw to the other wacko professors in his department and he still hadn’t been invited to any Friday afternoon faculty meetings!

He began again with a voice that could cleave stone.  “The Law of Diminishing Return states, ‘Some is needed, more is better, and much is for suckers.

Here’s what I mean.  If I were to offer each of you a banana, most of you would eat it since the greasy hair, ball caps, and frumpled sweatshirts indicate most of you rolled out of bed and didn’t stop until you bumped into your desk.   It’s good to eat a banana because it’s good for you and helps fill your stomach.  Eating a second one wouldn’t hurt either.  No doubt, your bodies could use the potassium.  But what if you ate a third then a fourth?  How many could you down before your body began flushing out the potassium without making use of it?  Or just up chuck?”

Another weak voice from the back said, “The same goes for tweed grandpa.”

Dr. Balzag pulled a small, toy car out of his pocket.  “Take a car for example.  For $12,000 dollars you can buy a reliable, new car to get you where you need to go.  Throw in another $10,000 dollars and maybe you’ll get there with a little more comfort but that last $10,000 isn’t accomplishing nearly as much as the first $12,000 did.  And for those who buy a $60,000 automobile, they are essentially taping the last $30,000 to the outside of their car just for others to take note.”

“Don’t be hating on my pimp sled, doc.”

A quick rub of the temples and the good professor finished his point.  “Alright, you split one pitcher of beer and you feel good, two and your just additionally drunk, and three…” Dr. Balzag scowls and gives the thumbs down.  “…three and you’re passed out completely.  You’ll miss your good time completely.”

There was silence for a moment before, “But I’ve got enough money for three.”

Here’s a simple rule from the Big Book of Common Sense…The first time you try something you always make a mess and the mess is multiplied by the complexity of the task.

*Do you remember learning to ride a bike? Simple right? Not the first time. Most people go through every Band-Aid in the house before they catch on.

*Ever have the pleasure of sitting through Calculus and wondering how math had morphed into strange magic spells?

*How about your first day on the job? How many dumb mistakes did you make? Where you efficient at all or did you have to ask for help with everything including finding the bathroom?

I assure you there are few things more complicated than teaching. You’re not just presenting information in a digestible form you must also impose your will on a group of somewhat uncooperative “clients.” Unlike engineering, there are no absolute rules of physics to rest on. Computers will bend to your will if you speak their protocol but no child is formatted the same. Oh yea, and you can’t just use the bathroom whenever you want.

Here’s where I’m going…You want to avoid, if possible, putting your child in the classroom of a first or second year teacher. Why? They’re still learning what they’re doing. Do you want them breaking in and sifting their tactics on your child?

Here’s statistic to think over. Just over forty percent of teachers quit after the three years.

That means with four years of education classes, they were still unprepared or unaware of the demands their profession would extract. I sure pay plays some part but most go into teaching with a grand vision that turns into a search for the exit sign.

But fear not! I have a fix.

Most (and by that I mean almost all of them) education classes in college are ideal based with the anchor of reality long since severed. Aircraft engineers don’t spend years in a classroom learning the names of parts and how their put together and are then sent out to fix commercial aircraft. Instead, they are given a limited amount of instruction and a whole lot of practice with actual engines before being set loose. Teaching should be the same way.

Traditional Teacher’s Education

About 1.5 years of general education classes (speech, psychology, etc.)
About 2.5 years of education theory classes (children’s literature, classroom mismanagement, and instructional strategies)
Only .5 years as a student teacher (I’m guessing it’s so short because they don’t want you to figure out that you’re no where near prepared for this job.)

Matt’s Perfered Teacher Education

About 1 year of education theory classes (Instructional strategies and classroom management ONLY)
About 1 year of general education classes (Centered on the subject you might like to teach)
About 2.5 years as a student teacher working the six million kinks out.

Even then, the teacher dropout rate may only slightly improve.

Today is The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior Day and I have one big question…How am I supposed to celebrate?  Most other holidays come with directions.  For instance, on Thanksgiving everyone is supposed to gather and give thanks for the sins of gluttony and laziness.  Wear green on St. Patrick’s Day.  Fly your Confederate flag on Flag Day.  And on Labor Day do the opposite.  But I have no idea how to celebrate The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior Day.

Well, maybe I do.  Here’s my schedule of events…

12:00 Midnight to 7:00 AM  – The Official “I Have A Dream” Sleep In.  Grabbing some extra ZZZZZs is the hallmark of any good holiday.

7:00 AM to 9:00 AM – Enjoy a bowl of Coco-Puffs and skim milk.  Appreciate the way two foodstuffs of different colors and origins come together to create something new and harmonious…chocolate milk.

9:00AM to 11:00AM – Ponder the oddity of someone who needs SIX words to complete his formal name (seven if you count THE).  His name was The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior.  Compare it to one of his contemporaries who was much more efficient with his monikers…Elvis.

11:00 AM to 12:00 PM – Enjoy a bowl of vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.  Let your brain freeze with the symbolism.

12:00PM to 4:00PM – Participate in a “Sanitation Strike.”  Refuse to do any chores regardless of your spouse’s nagging until you receive proper compensation.  Make signs that say, “Housework is Woman’s Work” and prop it against your recliner.  

They may come from different cans but the pot treats them both the same.

4:00PM to 6:00PM – Begin humming the old pop song “Ebony and Ivory.”  This activity may beyond 6:00 because it’s scientifically impossible to get the darn thing out of your head.

6:00PM to 12:00 Midnight – Finish your day by avoiding any conversational topic that has anything to do with race.  These conversations boil down to everyone sounding enlightened and pretending to be open-minded.  Every sentence begins with the dreaded, “I think…” or it’s evil twin brother, “Well, I think…”  Guess what, I don’t care.

Extra Note:  Do you realize that TRDMLKJ Day is the only day on the calendar that honors just one specific person!?  Washington (father of our country) and Lincoln (sustainer of our country) had to TEAM up just to cobble together President’s Day.  I’m all for giving due to folks who made a difference in our history but…

If you want to honor those who were involved in the Civil Right’s Movement, then it should be called Civil Rights Day or something drastically catchier and if it happens to fall on the effort’s most famous leader than so be it.

“No good deed goes unpunished.” Or in the original Yiddish, “Too much accomplishment breeds more work.”

There is always more work to be done. It doesn’t matter if you accomplish ten tasks during the workday or twenty. When you waltz in the next morning, five more will be sitting at your desk. How many employees ever go to their bosses and say, “Gee boss, it looks like I’m done with everything! There isn’t anything left! I think I’ll knock off early.”

And yet, hard work and responsibility can bring rewards. Employers will take note of their best. This can be good or bad. Are their lucrative promotions in the air? Do you wish to climb your career’s ladder and reach rewarding heights? Competency and responsibility are ALWAYS in very high demand.

But what happens if there is no big promotion? What do you do when being organized and extra professional only earns you additional responsibilities (i.e. punishment)?

This is especially true in the realm of education where “dynamic” new programs crowd the air like dirigibles looking for someone on which to drop their load of responsibilities. Their sites are set on those who they know will get it done. They can smell responsible, motivated stooges from over five hundred feet in the air (or the administrator’s office, whichever is closer).

To avoid being enlisted, I always wander into the principal’s office at the beginning of the year, look around a bit, and with a look of consternation proclaim, “Wait, this isn’t the men’s bathroom!”

Further, I do my best to stay out of site and way from any controversy. I’m always fashionably late to faculty meetings or any semi-useless pony show. There is nothing in which I’m an expert, thusly shedding constant quarries. Like a fine wine, paperwork ages a bit on my desk before I get to it. Most of the time, I don’t even listen to the announcements!

And lo and behold, I started this school year on a grand total of zero committees! I don’t chair a darn thing and no one is emailing me with requests for information. Thus far, my paycheck seems uneffected.

I would never pull these shenanigans if doing so hurt my chances of that big promotion and raise.

Please Note: Before casting stones…this attitude has no bearing on the energy and strategies I use in my actual instruction. My classes are well run and I put effort into making them profitable for the students.

I’m just keeping my life simple.

The professor stood in the middle of the amphitheater’s belly.  Layers of seating each one a few feet above the other surrounded him.  In each seat, a graduate student looked on with stern expressions.  This was an important lecture, a cornerstone in the tower of their expertise. 

Each student was a candidate for an advanced degree in psychiatry.  Before their instructor, an open human skull sat on the table.  A few of its mechanical portions were already spread across the examination table.

“And you can see that this is the brain of the young adult male by the cylindrical, sexual drive.  All the cables that carry the thinking processes run directly through it.  Attempts to route male thinking around this device have thus far failed.“ 

The professor snipped the thick cords that emerged from both ends.  He wore thick, thermal gloves.  “Be careful when working with this device as it usually stays very hot.  Of course, we need to remove it to get to any of the other workings.”

An overhead on the far wall, exaggerated the professor’s work.  The gentle scratch of moving pencils was the only other noise.

“Ahem, yes, and here is the famed common sense comptroller.”  He held up a clumsy looking silicon panel.  “As you can see, there are very few relays on this meager circuit.  It is located just behind the eyes because it is believed to be solar powered.  Thus, we notice unusually bad judgment whenever the sun goes down.  Keep that in mind.”

A slight chortle skips through the students.   

“Here we go, the central processor!“  He pulled out a black disc just a bit smaller than a hockey puck.  With a trained twist of his screwdriver, the instructor removed the glossy black cover.  Inside was an immensely complicated weave of thin multi-colored wires.

“We could easily spend the next twelve years discussing what each of these wires does, however I’d like to focus our examination on these two gray wires right here.“ 

He held up a laser pointer and planted the shaking red dot on two wires near the center.  “Until recently we had no idea what these did.  However, I believe my team and I have finally divulged their actual purpose and it isn’t good.

Apparently, these channel thoughts that encourage others to perform the same evil that you perform.“ 

The professor stopped to take a sip of water.  “For instance, you don’t plan on studying for an important exam.  What happens when you see some of your fellow students in the dorm that night?  You encourage them to play basketball or anything else but do the right thing.”

A student near the front raises their hand.  “Professor, that idea is in direct violation of the Law of Guilt Mechanism which states, ‘All cognition of evil action must be routed to the guilt mechanism for processing even if the mechanism has been rendered inoperative.”

“Yes, yes, I know but apparently this wire actually circumvents and in some cases lessens the workings of the guilt mechanism.”

Another student asks, “Where do the wires lead?”

“The pleasure centers of all things.”

Short gasps escape from some of the students.

The instructor continues, “Its seems that encouraging others to do the same evil one performs themselves brings a slight sensation of pleasure.

Does one drink too much?  They usually have no qualm about sharing a drink with another even if they’re underage. 

Going to strip clubs when you know you shouldn’t?  Take comfort in that others accompany you!  In fact, invite a few friends.”

One of the observers from the top row raises her hand and says, “So your telling us that instead of feeling guilty over their own actions, they are actively encouraging and praising others who join with them?”

The professor brought the laser pointer down on the hair thick wires again.  “Yes, these go around the guilt mechanism but don’t seem to run directly through it.  We don’t know how to rework this poor construction as is is apparently common to all models.”

“Amazing professor!  What is your next project?“ 

The older man chuckled a bit.  “Well, trying to find a way to filter the adult male’s exhaust.  We are still no closer to a cure.  I’m still looking for grad students to assist me.  Any volunteers?“

Sometimes life’s gear work requires a dab of good grace to keep things working smoothly.  Situations will arise were the details say you’re right but you bow to avoid hard feelings.  Someone may say something careless and you pass over it without causing a stink.  It’s a trait that separates the peacemakers from the unbearable protests of squeaky wheels. 

Here’s an example.

During the long days of summer break, my cousin Dustin would come to North Dakota and invest his time helping the Teply boys find the “next good time.”  We played violent video games, rode our bikes everywhere, enjoying a good laugh, and the rest of our time was spent underwater at the pool.  When Dustin was visiting us, he was one of us.

These were the years immediately following the break of Mom and Dad Teply and Dustin came from Mom’s side of the family.  Despite the ugly circumstances, Dad would welcome Dustin along whenever he took the rest of us for a weekend.  To my understanding, it was never really an issue.  Until…

My father decided to take all of us, including Dustin and my Teply Grandparents, on a little vacation.  What you should understand about vacations in western North Dakota is that it requires at least a six-hour drive just to get out of the prairie.  The Black Hills and Mount Rushmore constitute the only exception to the monolithic carpet of grass.  Ergo, the only other choice is a little tourist town in Theodore Roosevelt National Park (Mind you, Roosevelt was a New York native.  Notable people are hard to come by in Dakota.).  Considering I’d been there nearly once a month, the trip didn’t send my heart racing. 

We stopped at a fast food restaurant for some hamburger-like sandwiches before leaving town.  We stood in front of the register eager to order a cumulative five pounds of French fries each mechanically sliced to be the exact diameter of the adult aorta.  All of us were there:  Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, the complete Teply brood, Uncle William, and Dustin.    

Once inside, Grandma ambled up to Dustin and asked, “Well, did you bring any money?”

“No.”  Dustin replied. 

“Are you expecting Jack to pay for your food?  Why should he pay for you when you aren’t family?”

Dad overheard the conversation and quickly said that he would cover for Dustin.  The matter was settled except in Dustin’s mind.  Once back in the car, he leaned over to Nate and said, “Wow, what was your grandma’s name again?  Isn’t it Grandma Dollar?  I think I’m going to call her Grandma Dollar from now on.”

When I heard what Dustin had said, I simply rolled my eyes and hoped the matter would go away.  It didn’t.  Mom heard about the story, then everyone on the other side of the family, then the mailman, the family psychiatrist, call centers all over India…you get the idea. 

Technically, Grandma was right.  Dustin wasn’t in Dad’s family anymore and perhaps Dad didn’t need to take responsibility for him.  However, good grace prevailed and Dustin received his meal. 

Although my siblings and I respect our Grandmother too much to ever call her Grandma Dollar, the story and especially the meaning behind it sticks with us.  A little  grace always greases the wheels.

Mrs. Teply slaps her forehead after making one of her rare, boneheaded mistakes.  She looks up from her work and asks the wall in front of her.  “Am I crazy or is it just me?”

I was sitting on the couch near her working on my latest DodoEgg.  Her question didn’t make any sense.  “After a question like that I’d have to say yes.”  
 
“Well, if I’m crazy then you’re certifiably insane.” 

“What’s the difference?” I replied.  “Are you saying there are different levels of madness?  Can I be twelve percent crazy or thirty percent crazy?”

“Absolutely,” she pronounced.  “I can just look at you an estimate your craziness factor at about sixty-two percent.”

“And where did you get that number?” 

“I’d tell you but you’re too crazy to understand.  Go back to your imaginary website before I decide to double the medication I’ve been slipping into your meals.”

She went back to her work but I didn’t leave the idea alone. 

If one defines madness as anything we perceive that isn’t reality then everyone is crazy to a certain extent.  We may never be able to tag a numerical value to it but make no mistake you’re crazy too.

If I had to peg the number one cause of a warped perception, my culprit would be ego.  Take a quick look at some of the crazy things people do because pride clouds their view of reality.

*Looking down on others because you’re strong, good looking, or tall.  Wait, is it your fault you were given that body or did you just win a part of the genetic lottery?  Would you still credit yourself or your parents if you were born short?

*Feeling superior because of great athletic play causes fantastic delusions of grandeur!  Even if you are wildly applauded, it’s still a game.  Try removing a life threatening tumor or teaching a kid to read.

*Giving yourself a big thumbs up because of a beautiful home, cars and clothes.  These are nice but not if they are difficult for you to afford.  Even if you can afford them, I want to be the first to congratulate you on having the ability to spend money.

*The Bible says, “Knowledge puffs up.” and man do I believe it.  Intelligence is as much of a gift as good health and before looking down on the Neanderthals remember the contribution teachers and parents had in your present state of enlightenment. 

Oh yea, smart people understand the value of good manners and how easy it is for others to despise arrogance.

*Other men’s praise shouldn’t stick to your ego.  It lasts for as long as the words can hang in the air and turns to scorn the second you screw up.  (Which is going to happen.)  People are fickle.

Regardless of what a person’s circumstances are, two harsh realities remain and remove any real reason for the slight insanity that ego creates.  Whether you are rich, good-looking, poor, or butt-ugly, death is coming for you and it can arrive at any time.  Secondly, four hundred years from now not a single person will even know you existed.

I wonder if depression is the next leading cause of insanity?

There’s a problem with large schools, churches, and bureaucracies.  In purpose, these institutions are designed to service important individual needs but sometimes fail when they grow too monstrous.  To illustrate, here are some causes and effects… 

                                    BUREAUCRACIES
Cause- Fantastically fragmented and overlapping responsibilities allows service providers to blame shift their lack of effort and efficiency to the institution in general.

Effect- Ben Teply’s application for a lost title on the family’s 1984 Mercury Capri disappears into Alabama’s DOT.  Thirty-dollar application fee’s last received distress signal was heard fifteen months ago.

Calls are made resulting in an automated response, “Press one to speak with someone who’s on their lunch break.  Press two if you want to hear this menu again in Spanish.”

                                          SCHOOLS
Cause-Huge campus allows school boards to cram up to two thousand five hundred kids onto one campus.  Fire drills resemble crowds outside Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving.

Effect-Only the extremely gifted make the football, basketball, baseball, wrestling, track, cross country, soccer, band, badminton, backgammon, freeze tag, and papier-mâché teams.  Every normal kid must resort to personalizing his or her locker and playing Dragon Breath with their loser friends.  (The sequel, Dragon’s Pits, is good too!)

                                         CHURCHES
Cause-A church is considered a success if it grows to tremendous size even though Scripture stresses no such thing.  (Read DodoEggs.com, Chapter 5, Verse 11- “Thou shalt not serve powdered donuts with out sanctified napkins.”)

Effect-During the fall months of 1998, Matt Teply wore the exact same outfit to his fiancé’s seven thousand member church seven Sundays in a row.  I’m sure no one cared.  (The reader may wonder how Matt gets by with such bad behavior.  We weren’t married yet.)

Moral – Bureaucracies will always be what they are but such oversight doesn’t need to plague churches and schools.  Schools should be limited to no more than five hundred students and churches must ensure all members are plugged into small groups.  It seems counter intuitive, but the smaller the school or church the greater impact it can have on a person.

During the early part of December 1999, my wallet was facing a literal avalanche of gift giving occasions.  Mrs. Teply was graduating from college, her birthday is shortly into the New Year, our first anniversary was just after Christmas, and then there was Christmas.  For each and everyone a substantial financial layout was needed.  (This is a problem for someone whose wallet is stamped MADE IN ETHIOPIA.)

I ended up approaching Melissa and striking a deal.  I would get her one very impressive gift to cover the entire gamut.  Of course, small tokens would be expected on each specific day but the major gifts would be satisfied.

Her selection was an antique fold out secretary with bookshelves and a glass-faced door.

When the year 2000 began coming to a close, I found myself in a nearly identical situation.  She wasn’t graduating from college but our anniversary, her birthday, and Christmas still cast shadows over my checkbook.  ( This isn’t good news for a checkbook that has WARNING: DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY – ENLARGED TO SHOW TEXTURE.)

The deal was renewed and each year I blow our budget on one special gift.  With one shot, I need to get it right each time.  To help insure success, I’ve created a few rules for gift giving… 

Point #1- There’s nothing wrong with asking someone what they want. 

Why not?  Don’t you want to get them something they really desire? How many times have we seen children tear through 20 toys at Christmas, and wind up playing all day with just 2?  You know, the ones they asked for.

People (at least in my family) are starting to catch on to this.  Do you what to get them what they really what?  Is it a mystery?  Then ask! 

Point #2- Be careful about clothing or decorative items.

Most people are somewhat peculiar about their appearance and some are strict about what goes in their homes.  You’re taking a risk if you buy that vase that the other person may or may not like.  If they have to hide it in the guest bedroom closet when you’re not around only to drag it out when you show up, it wasn’t a gift it was an extra chore!
 
The expensive shirt you bought will sit in a closet until it goes out of style then sold at a garage sale for a fraction of what you paid for it.  (I’ll bet this has happened 349,956,458,939 times.)

Point #3- As far as gifts go, Quality beats Quantity.

If you’re sure they want it, don’t be afraid to spend the extra money to buy someone a gift that has genuine value.  This principal is of the greatest relevance to those most precious people in your lives…typically moms and spouses.

Did she ask for earrings?  Make sure their real gemstones with gold backings.  Those plastic pink hoops you’re looking at won’t go over very well.  Trust me.

Point #4- When all else fails, make sure the gift is practical.

If you cannot think of anything you know they want, then get them something you know they will use.  Most people think along these lines when shopping for their guy and no doubt he will appreciate something useful.  But it is something he’ll really enjoy or is excited about?

(Grandmas have been doing something like this for years.  Twelve grandsons means filling the shopping cart with twenty-four packages of new underwear.  I think of both of them each and every time I put on a pair.  Thanks grandma!)

Bonus Point #5- For crying out loud!  Wrap the stupid thing! 

I don’t know where these silly “gift bags” came from, but one thing is for certain.  Unwrapping a gift is a heck of a lot more fun than pulling it from a tissue stuffed bag!