Dodo Eggs

I’m walking through Wal*Mart’s parking lot on a mission of self-preservation or grocery shopping…whatever.  Payday is today and my bank account is momentarily inflated.  There’s a good chance I’ll drop a hundred dollars or more on exciting things like bananas and diapers.  Once, spending money was a thrill and money burnt a hole in my pocket.  Now, spending money is like having my blood drawn.

After keeping my eyes peeled for the dangerous combination of handicapped plates and brake lights, I approach the large set of double glass doors.  “Ok, I’m six steps away…just keep marching at the doors.”  I can’t slow.  There’s no way I’m letting my fellow Wal*Mart shoppers think I’m weak….Never!  “Five steps…not to worry.”  I’m a bull charging a red curtain.  “Ok, three steps and they’re still not opening.”  I break into a sweat.  “Two steps…still closed…steady Matt!”  One step and….the glass doors slide open just enough for my shoulders to drift through.

Catastrophe averted, I move to the carts.  Picking from the available carts is a little like choosing from a parade of leapers.  You’re not getting a good cart – you’re not.  If you’re a betting man, try the lottery.  Each cart has some special trait added to make your shopping experience into the chore it should be.

Here’s an abbreviated chart that lists a few things to be aware of.

• Feeding Love
• Bull Rider
• Day Spa for Men!!
• Drama Mama
• The Gift of Giving