From Sexy to Sweatpants
Dear Dr. Pokorny,
My wife has taken to wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts everywhere. You know, I’m OK with the sweatshirts as long as she’s rocking a well-fitting pair of jeans but the sweatpants HAVE TO GO!!! Yesterday I caught her with a fanny pack filled with M&Ms. At this point, she looks homeless.
I can’t honestly think of a single good reason for women to wear sweatpants. They say they’re comfortable. Oh really?! Well you know what else is comfortable…SILK NIGHTGOWNS!! Yea, you want comfort, honey?! If you find anything silk, I’ll buy it for you!
My daughter has even started wearing sweatpants!!! I’ll never marry her off and get her out of the house! Look…she’s not very bright. Yesterday I asked her if she had ever used a cookbook. “Sure!” She excitedly replies. Then she brought me the phone book with all the delivery places dog eared. Put her in a pair of sweatpants and she’ll need to find a boyfriend online.
When both of them are sitting on the couch they look like a couple of plush toys! ( Panic Level 1) When we’re in the grocery store, I go hang out in the snack food isle so I won’t have to walk with them!! (Panic Level 2) Now a couple of my friends are asking if we’re expecting again!!! (Panic Level 3)
Can you help me?
Sincerely, Bob McCormick
Dear Bob,
What your wife doesn’t realize is that she is transmitting an Attractiveness < Convenience ratio that is NOT healthy. Let’s face it, for women it takes a lot more work (make up, form fitting clothes, plastic surgery) to look alluring than it does for men. To which, all men collectively say, “That’s too bad.”
Some women figure this out on their own. The others must NOT be told – we’ve lost a few good men that way.
While some females can look nice in sweatpants, it is generally understood that sweatpants are a NET LOSS. If you take Woman A, who looks nice in sweatpants, you can guarantee she looks blistering in anything else. It bears repeating…sweatpants are a NET LOSS. There are always better options.
So what’s a man to do? Since most men are too scared to broach this subject with the women in their lives drastic actions must be employed. Take all the sweatpants in your house (Yours too – you don’t look so hot in them either.) to the back yard and burn them. Then offer the women in your life gift certificates to any popular clothing store. If they come home with more sweatpants, burn them too.
Yours Truly,
Dr. Pokorny Esq.
February 18th, 2010 at 11:00 am
I think the same can be said about pajama pants. I have seen some women in walmart or other places in pajama pants. I mean, I know its just walmart but come on, would it be so hard to throw on a pair of jeans?
February 28th, 2010 at 8:30 am
shaddup mat. i now women look attrocious in sweat pants but no one rocks the pjs like Jake the T.
April 20th, 2010 at 1:08 am
I’ve just stumbled this post, many thanks for telling.