Super Powers – ON SALE!
Attention all Super Heroes and Wannabes! It’s time for the Semi-Century, Blow-Out Sale at Super Power Emporium! Ever wanted a super power but felt like they were too expensive or difficult to operate? Come to Super Power Emporium where our highly trained staff of retired super heroes and villains will show you everything you need to know about buying and using your own Super Power!
Super Power Emporium – Where Selling Super Powers at Amazing Prices is Our Super Power!!
Check out this week’s list of amazing deals…
Stoplight Power – Imagine how quickly you can stop the bank robbers from detonating a nuclear device if you didn’t have to stop at reds?!?! Or better yet, imagine how quick your commute to work would be?!? Now you can change the color of a light or extend greens with Tele-Kenetic-Microbial Brain Waves! All it takes is $19.95 at Super Power Emporium and a bite from a radioactive traffic cop!
Jumping Out of Pools – Perhaps you’ve never thought about jumping out of the pool’s shallow end onto the deck…but why not? There’s nothing more inglorious for supper heroes than pulling oneself out of a pool. Frog-Man is now selling the secret to his amazing ability. You just need $12.95 and to eat sixteen radioactive flies. Leaping out of water can also be useful for barrels of acid or any other dangerous liquid a villain may drop you in.
Touching Your Toes - Remember being able to do this? Experience the thrill again with Plastic Man’s “Let’s get Plastic.” video. (Note: This has nothing to do with cosmetic surgery.) This super power helps you dodge bullets AND get the most out of your spandex super suit – only $2.34 + the cost of the video.
Golden Touch – Your butt may itch but don’t scratch! With this power, you’ll be able to change anything you touch into pure gold. You’ll have trusty sidekicks knocking down your door!! (Note: This is a used super power – returned by its aristocratic first owner due to user error. We guarantee it will work for you.) The cost ($31.99) is only a small initial investment!!!
Pulling Quarters Out of Children’s Ears – One of the Super Power Emporium’s best sellers is now on sale! With only $14.99, that’s only 60 quarters, you can waltz down the halls of daycares and elementary schools pulling money from the yellow-orange gunk of their unwashed ears! Be advised, this trick turns brain cells into money. Too many pulls from their ears will result in a fascination for hip-hop music, lottery tickets, and cable television. Also, 99% of children don’t let you keep the quarter.
Donut Power- MoochMan is now offering the general public the keys to his most spectacular power. It’s the ability to locate, within a twelve mile radius, any box or bag of FREE donuts! People are constantly bringing these delectable goodies to conferences, hospitality rooms, church meetings, and the office work room all the time! Be there faster than instant coffee after only six hours in a radioactive oven and $144.99 to Super Power Emporium.
Super Power Emporium – Where Selling Super Powers at Amazing Prices is Our Super Power!!
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