College Rules
My freshman year of college was spent in the forgotten halls of Dickinson State University in the northern part Dakota Territory. Oh the hours I spent with my other socially disconnected friends prowling the streets looking for wild women and finding only beverages with too much corn syrup. Time that wasn’t squandered driving pointlessly on Dickinson’s streets was left in the computer room at Greg’s house.
We pick up the scene there…
Greg looks up from his Computer Shopper. “Well, should we go drive around? I just dubbed ‘Whoop-There-It-Is’ onto tape and I think I’ve got enough base to make your skull rattle.”
“Nah, let’s just relax here for another hour or so then rush to the gym for a fifteen minute workout. Does your mom have any more Cheerios?”
“Honey Nut or regular?”
“Honey Nut of course!”
“Nope. I ate the last of it for supper.”
Matt stares hard at the computer screen. PageMaker stares back at him with a blank expression on its face. Suddenly inspiration strikes. “You know what’s funny Greg? The phrase animal husbandry. Think about it.”
“That’s not funny, Matt. Now, these prices on an Intel 286 processor…now that’s funny.”
“Wait, watch this.” Matt leans toward the keyboard and begins typing. “We can make up a notice that we can post all over DSU. It can be a celebration of animal husbandry only with a bit of a twist we can include dates and places for these made up events.”
The Computer Shopper finally closes. “Alright you have my attention.”
Both young men spent the next hour coming up with a full page promotion that boasted, “DSU Student Senate proudly presents a celebration of Animal Husbandry! You like cows and it’s OK!…
Monday:Stickney Auditorium / 6:30 PM – The inspirational story of Eugene Utterman the first man to literally marry into his profession. His story is called, “Coming Out of the Barn.”
Tuesday: Emmit Building’s main lecture hall / 7:00 PM – Dr. Seiver opens the a forum of leading experts as they debate Branding or Pre-Nuptual Agreement.
Wednesday: Blue Hawk Stadium / 12:00 Noon – Come early to get the best seats as different breeds of cattle are lead around the field. Experts will be on hand to match you with the perfect breed.
Thursday: DSU Bennet Memorial Gym / 5:00 PM – Professor Seiver shares the amusing stories of the animal husbandry movement titled, “What to Serve at your Reception…Fish or Your In-Laws!” Come and laugh until the cows come home!
Friday: Stickney Auditorium / 4:30 PM – Honorary Doctor Yarvis tackles the fundamental issues of the animal husbandry movement with his lecture titled, “The Gold Ring Goes Through The Nose.”
Because Greg’s father was a professor at DSU, Matt and Greg were able to break in well after hours and post the signs all over the main hall. The janitor found them after the boys left and removed all the bulletins but at least Matt and Greg enjoyed a good laugh. That week DSU issued the following order: “All posts to the bulletin boards now required a seal from the main office.”
I wound up doing the same thing at Crighton College. The college was largly a commuter college and Greek life had been banned the year before I arrived. Thusly, student life was anemic…very anemic. There was nothing in my personality that demanded a wild party three nights a week but SOME SORT of activity other than Faculty/Student suppers would have been appreciated.
I tried to develop a somewhat impromptu sports program by inviting every guy I knew to a large park on Saturdays. We were supposed to play touch football or just hang out. It never took off. I was lucky to get a ten percent turnout. In frustration, I made a flier that extolled all able bodied men to join me at the park that coming Saturday. After listing the time and location I pulled from clip art for to give the bulletin a little visual appeal. I found a female golfer swinging her club and I put in next to a cross with an Easter Lilly wound around it. Between I placed an equals sign. The idea was this…I’d rather die than play golf. I know it wasn’t clear but I DIDN’T HAVE A LOT OF CLIP ART!
Students piled out of chapel one day and the responses I overheard were…
“Golfers are Christians?”…”Only Christian golfers play football?”…”We’re playing golf in a cemetery?”…”Matt is a moron.”
My foray into public relations ended the same way as it did at DSU. Crighton instituted a new rule requiring anything posted to be approved by the student services office.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
You have to be creative in the Dakota’s in the winter… Finding things to do can be difficult.
I really did LOL… Good post Matt.
August 18th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Funny! Animal husbandry. If only it were just that.