Dodo Eggs

Dear DodoEggs.com Staff:

The city of Taxweed, Tennessee has recently issued the following memo to all of their city department heads.  I enjoyed it so much that I’ve decided to make it the policy here at our Manhattan headquarters as well.  NOTE:  This is an actual memo that I pulled from a recycling bin.

Make sure your employees are aware that, effective July 1, 2009, it is a violation for any person serving the city in any official duty to transmit or to receive a text message on a hand-held mobile telephone or hand-held personal digital device while driving a motor vehicle on a public road. This prohibition does not apply to persons reading or entering a telephone number for the purpose of making or receiving a telephone call.  It also does not affect police officers or firefighters “when in the actual discharge of their official duties”

The new law is Chapter 201 of the Public Acts of 2009.  It imposes a fine not to exceed $50.00 and court costs not to exceed $10.00 for the misdemeanor; it will be considered a non-moving traffic violation.

City employees are expected to comply with applicable state laws when in City vehicles or on duty or on City premises. 

Ok that is good…a rule that cannot be effectively enforced is perfect for our corporate culture here at DodoEggs.com!  We love crafting regulations that will be patently ignored…it’s good for our egos.  Here’s our version.

Hereunto…All employees that work at DodoEggs.com are prohibited from texting in any language other than the Queen’s English effective whenever I catch you doing it.  Should it be found that you LOLed anyone or finished a fiery dissertation with IMO you will be subjected to acronym sensitivity training by our Director of Misinformation…Eugene.  OMG! 

Certain areas of the building have been marked off with pylons and yellow tape as free text areas.  These include the boy’s bathroom but not the female’s.  Ten feet to the west of any water cooler and five feet to the east are available for sloppy communications.  Also…Fridays, yea, Fridays are ok because no one is doing anything anyway.  We may extend this texting free time zone into Thursday afternoon if unproductively continues.   

Remember folks, it’s all about being a professional and that includes practicing our communication skills whether it’s a text, memo, or finished document.  Offenders of this policy are subjected to a polygraphed game of Truth or Dare with Ursula (more commonly known as the office skank). 

• Staff Memo – Smoking Policy
• Staff Memo – Coorporate Dental Policy
• Staff Memo – Coorporate Communications
• Corporate Perspective for 2010
• Application for Employment