Dodo Eggs

Nichole wanders into the guard break room at the pool in a bit of a huff.  “Uh, hello Mr. T.  How are you?”

I look up from a pool supply catalog (sixty pound bucket of chlorine briquettes for a hundred bucks…HOLY COW!…whew, that sump pump has some nice curves.).  “Well, hello Nichole.  You don’t sound very good what’s the problem?  As if I care.”

She sets her purse down and immediately pulls out her cell phone.  “It’s comical really.  My friends showed up at my apartment last night to stage some sort of friend intervention.”

“A friend intervention?  Why, because you’re huffing furniture polish or what?”

She’s already texting someone.  “No, they were just concerned about the health of our friendship.  I laughed through it really.  It was hard to take seriously.  But the real issue was them coming to the outdoor pool while I was on the stand, going into the break room, and taking my car keys.  They went through my car looking for something.”

“Uh…ok.”  There was really only one way to respond.  “You need to move away.  That’s what I would do.”

Nichole’s phone beeps indicating a new text message.  “Very funny, Mr. T.”

As the Internet and especially the cell phone work to connect society at the hip, a dangerous development has occured.  Drama queens and kings can now ramp up their dalliances like electrons in a particle accelerator.   There’s never an opportunity for the worked up parties to go to their corners and take a quick break.

Here are a few simple steps to breaking the hold “drama” may have on you…

Step One – Graduate From High School

Responsibilities are the natural cure for drama and we all know how responsible high schoolers are.  If you’re busy with the things that matter in life (NOT zits, prom, algebra), then there’s precious little room for drama.  In short, “Get a post high school life.”  NOTE: Sororities and/or fraternities retard this development.

Step Two – Take A Powerful Disinterest In Other People

Hey kids!  The phrase, “I don’t care” that you use so deftly with your parents and teachers also works on Sally’s opinion of Bobby Joe’s new hairdo.  If you must comment, just keep it dull or positive…people will tire of asking you.

Step Three – Get Rid Of The Cell Phone

You can live without it.  You can live without it.  You can live without it.  You can live without it. 

Also, take the four hundred dollars your spending on whatever plan you have and dump the money into ice cream.  Trust me…you won’t regret it.

Step Four – Move Away

Really, I wasn’t kidding.  It’s like hitting the reset button.  Try it sometime.

• Adult Education
• Generation Gap
• Entertaining Problems
• Taboo Tattoos
• Constructing the Drama (1)