Dodo Eggs

When I was in high school, I operated under several faulty assumptions: I would always be young, neon colors go perfectlywith black, and s looked for guys with big muscles.  As it turns out, I’m old and neon colors became a fashion fatality.  The idea that women wanted men with bulging muscles stuck with me. 

I remember wearing tank tops whenever I could.  I inflated my pectorals with the assurance that every woman in the room had to be looking.  Weightlifting became the necessary prerequisite to attracting a mate.  Guys who didn’t lift dated, of course, but I was sure that the s really wished they were with someone who worked out (like me).  After all, men put such a premium on a ’s appearance why wouldn’t women do the same with men?

This thinking started turning around in college.  A goober named Steave seemed to never lack for a date.  Pick any of the s wandering the hallways of my college and a third of them had gone out on a date with him and at least one half had flirted with him.  I couldn’t have earned those ratios with the janitorial staff!

What really surprised me about this Don Juan was his outstanding lack of stature.  He was short, was all of 120 lbs., and a set of shoulders that you could measure with a ruler.  His personality was gregarious and boisterous with a heavy lean towards obnoxious.  

Yet the man consistently found s more than willing to go out with him!  Didn’t they realize that I was available?!  Look calf muscles!  Mrs. Teply even dated him. 

I began calling him “Golden Balls” because I could think of no other reason why this guy had so many dates or the hope of one day procreating.

What also shook my faith in the almighty muscle was seeing Altas-like men come to the pool with dumpy, unattractive troll women in tow.  This guy has pectorals the diameter of dinner plates and she couldn’t win Best-of-Show at the local kennel club!  This was happening too many times for me to ignore.

“You don’t really get it do you?”  Mrs. Teply would say. “Steave had charisma and that’s more important than broad shoulders.  Most s like a nice body but what they are really looking for is a sweet personality, thoughtfulness, and an interest in us as a person.  It just so happens that most of the gymrats have big egos.  Yours could use an adjustment.”

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• Male Studies – Letter 12, Page 1
• Throw Out The Ab-Blaster!!
• Un-Aware
• Foul Faternity