Dodo Eggs

With the ever-increasing pace of life you may find yourself needing to end a relationship but not enough time to get the job done properly. It’s tough to find the right opportunity to tell the person you once courted that they should get lost. Even sensitivity sometimes has to take a back seat to convenience, which is why DodoEggs.com is proud to provide out latest product…The Flash Form Break-Up Letter.

It only takes five minutes, a few simple keystrokes, and a beat up printer to remove the lowlife from your existence. All you need is a name! Don’t delay! You aren’t getting any younger or more attractive than you are RIGHT NOW!! Don’t waste the appeal you have left with your current love dis-interest!

Not-So-Dear (Write Name Here),

I’m breaking up with you and there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s for the best. You know as well as I do that the vast majority of relationships don’t work out so you shouldn’t have gotten wrapped up in this one. (I’ll bet you fall for time-shares too.) To be honest with you, I’m just glad I fell out of love first. I mean, who wants to be dumped…am I right?

I could tell you that it was me and not you but that would be a bald faced lie. After all, it was definitely you. You know that thing you do when you’re watching movies? I hated that. The good news? I won’t have to put up with it anymore!

Also there wasn’t much to say about you in the kissing department. In fact, it was hard to say you brought anything to the table. Am I making myself clear?        CIRCLE YES / NO.

At one point in time I thought you were hot but all my friends told me I could do a whole lot better. I think they’re probably right. Really it wasn’t nice of me to get your hopes up. You’ll have better luck with the lottery.

The wind is just taking us in different directions…specifically your wind. You open your mouth and it’s just blah, blah, blah. Seriously, when you have a good idea just tie it to a pigeon, send it flying my direction, and then tell it your life story. That should blow it off course!

Look I’ve got houseplants to water so that’s it. Please keep in mind that this letter will be sent via certified mail and is considered a common law restraining order in many of Mississippi’s rural counties. Please…don’t try to be a hero.

Well, there isn’t too much else to say. Thanks for showing me exactly what I want by exemplifying what I hate about the opposite gender.

We can still be friends, (Thier Name)

• Inside the Brain
• Breaking Up
• A Stinging Discovery
• Ask Dr. Pokorny
• Lottery Tickets