Dodo Eggs

Reader Advisement – All of the following names are actual names.  No stunt names were used for this post.

I’m sitting in the aquatics office at the recreation center filling out my time sheet for the week.  College age kids surround me yapping about the important activities on their social slate.  I’m eavesdropping as I fill out my timesheet.  I guess I’m a little jealous of the flexibility they still enjoy.

Megan is speaking to Forrest.  “So Trebor said she’d come Saturday but only if one of her boyfriends isn’t too hungover.  Anyway, it’s a fifty/fifty shot then.”

Forrest’s expression doesn’t change.  “The Saturday after student loan checks come in?  Don’t bet on it.  The chances are a little closer to, uh, seventy/forty.”

I raised my head.  Slang may have far outpaced me but I thought we still used female pronouns with females.  “Are you guys talking about a girl or guy here?  Trebor is a man right?”

“No Mr.T it’s a girl.  Her name is Trebor Atkins.  She is a member of our sorority.”

I spoke slower.  “Trebor is a girl.”

“Yes, Mr.T.”  Megan rolls her eyes.  “Now if you’ll excuse me, I haven’t texted anyone in the last ten minutes and I think my thumbs are going through withdrawal.”

This got me thinking…

Why do many people insist on creating their own names?   Don’t we have plenty of good ones to chose from?  Giving your child a far out name to make them unique is a little like giving them a third eye to accomplish the same purpose.  Their name makes them unique in the same way freak show exhibits are unique. 

Listen to this…Kids will make themselves unique on their own! 

This doesn’t stop new parents from acting a little like Dr. Frankenstein with a table full of dead syllables and prefixes.  The worst example I’ve ever come across was a girl named Ja-a.  Confused?  It’s pronounced Ja-dash-a.  You know, Jadasha only spelled Ja-a.  GOOD LUCK KID! 

Let’s hope her middle name isn’t Dumb*.
 
Hey, what do you think of the following?  “La-David” for when David is just too normal.  “Tyquasia” which is Swahili for “typhoon-hitting-Asia.”  The only thing I know for sure about the next name is that you won’t find it on any gift store coffee mug.  Ladies and gentleman let me introduce you to…”Walshaude”  (I think I just broke spell check.)

Here’s a situation that I may never get over.  There is a group of six children that come to the pool often.  All have the same mother but Father’s Day requires them to go over their monthly minutes.  This means they almost all have different last names.  To help bind her genetically diverse family together, this mother gave all of her children’s names the same prefix!  Holy cow that’s genius!

Here we go…Quad-Shawn, Quad-Shay, Quad-Lawrence, Quad-Rick, Quad-Tavious, and Quad-Esha.  To be honest, I have no idea whether the dashes are in there or not.  Maybe we should ask Ja-a?

Fine, here’s one more story.  Sometime ago Brother Teply worked at a Wendy’s.  One of his coworkers was a girl named Tyrani.  Don’t work too hard.  It’s pronounced tyranny.

My brother addresses his coworker.  “So, why did your parents name you after a repressive form of government?  Do you have a brother named Despotism?”

She gives Brother Teply a confused look.  “What are you talking about?  My mother came up with my name.”

Need I say more?

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