Dodo Eggs

Hello!  If you’re reading this, let me be the first to congratulate you…you’re literate!  Now that you can read it’s time to find a job that pays well and that is in serious need of individuals with your skill set.  How about TV Executive?!

TV Executives play an important role in today’s fast paced, sedimentary society.  You may believe that with the advent of the Internet, video games, DVDs, and near explosion of specialty channels that the influence of today’s average TV Executive is nearly zero and you’d be right!  But if you can keep even one small child from going outside it’s all worth it. 

Of course, there are challenges.  With advertising budgets becoming increasingly splintered, innovative spending becomes a must.  Assisting the budding TV Executive is the primary role of this tutorial and to that end we have compiled a list of “Touchable” spending and “Untouchable” spending.

 Touchable-
· Actor’s Salaries
· Writer’s Salaries
· Program Development
· Your Floozy Secretary
· Studio Fees

Untouchable-
· Executive Compensation
· Executive Bonuses
· Executive Clothing Allowances
· Executive Grooming

Due to less available monies, TV programming has necessarily devolved into the pinnacle of sensationalistic programming…the Reality Show!

All Reality Shows are taped in an alternate dimension known to laypeople as Purgatory (pronounced prrrrr-gat-ore-E).  This dimension is a place where social norms and the common rules for behavior do not exist.  Remember, the worse your cast behaves the better! 

You may wonder how a program that ignores the dictates of functioning civilization can be called a “Reality Show.”  It’s called a Reality Show because “Embarrassing Public Displays” and “Cheap and Ugly Programming” didn’t test well.

Not all Reality Shows have succeeded.  To assist you in gauging the probable success of a planned Reality Show, we have constructed a Success Quotient.  This value indicates, using proven data, whether or not a Reality Show will be a hit.  The higher the total value the better likelihood the Emmy’s will ignore you but actual views will not.
1- Categories of Reality Show contestants –
· Points per normal human being (0 pts.)
· Points per crazy human being (2 pts.)
· Points per floozy woman (3 pts.)
· Points per F list celebrity (4 pts.)
· Points per celebrity spawn (4.5 pts.)
· Points per crazy celebrity spawn (6 pts.)
· Points per chimp with Turret’s Syndrome (9 pts.)

2- Levels of Competition –
· Winner gets network stock (0 pts.)
· Winner gets a new pony (20 pts)
· Winner gets 15 seconds of fame (40 pts.)
· Winner gets 3 tabloid covers (60 pts.)

3-   Extras –
· Allow each contestant / entry the opportunity to vent (10 pts.)
· Video “Secret plans” and “Alliances” for broadcast (15 pts.)
· Charismatic host with bad hair or a bad attitude (20 pts.)
· No Ugly people (10 pts.)
· Each episode qualifies as “SHOCKING” or “MEMORABLE”  (Note: Requirements for memorable or shocking do not exist.) (15 pts.)

Success Quotient Scale –  0 to 10 pts. = Cancelled

    11 to 15 pts. = Ratings Basement

    16 to Infinity = Runaway Hit

So there you go!  There are only other two things to keep in mind.  One, please make sure your cast is very diverse because that’s just the way we do things now a days.  Also, NO IDEA IS TOO STUPID TO MAKE A SHOW!

• Setting Your Drama
• Over Apraised
• Thankfulness
• Constructing the Drama (1)
• Is He the One?