Behind Curtain Number One
Many people underestimate the great value of a good shower curtain but not me. Not appreciating one’s shower curtain is an egregious sin. Imagine having to take timeout every busy morning to wipe up the watery mess that not having a shower curtain would leave behind. How about the many different types of fungus and mildew that make my own wonderful curtain a nationally recognized wild life refuge?
Words fail me as I try and share with other people the virtue of my shower curtain’s consistent service. It provides me with a gentle reminder every morning that the world is still here and awaiting me. If you listen really close you might hear it say, “Good morning Matthew Allen! I just thought I would tell you how much talent you have, and that I expect you to get out there and do your BEST!”
This faithful friend of mine has just celebrated its third birthday. That may appear to be a brief amount of time to the shortsighted, but when you take into account the number of people who daily take advantage of its services, one realizes the great burden my shower curtain bears. (Not to mention shower curtains age almost five hundred times faster than people! That’s like you living to be 1500 years old!)
When my shower curtain was new, it was truly the most beautiful plastic curtain on the block. It was composed of ten delightful hooks, a sheet of crystal clear plastic, and five simple colors. Pretty pink for the flamingos, bold black for the coconuts, gorgeous green for the trees, blue for the water, and wonderful white for the trim. All these come together to create an eye-catching pattern that is STILL visible though the thick brown haze that stubbornly refuses to come off.
At the top of the curtain are two palm trees that stretch from its height to its depth, and interspersed between the palm leaves are dark blotches representing coconuts. The flamingoes have white and black beaks with solid pink bodies. Near the bottom is a set of swerving lines imitating water.
During my precious shower curtain’s years of self-sacrifice it has not lost sight of its purpose, but my curtain has seen the demise of its initial beauty. Two of the hooks that support it have been stripped from its possession, and the portion that the hooks once held high now hangs limp. At one point, a tragic accident occurred resulting in a tear that runs from the belly of one unfortunate flamingo to the bottom edge. In addition to these infirmities, my shower curtain is also the proud papa of two different colors of fungus and one peculiar species of mold. Most shower curtains would have buckled under the weight of the above blemishes, but not mine. As long as it keeps the water off the floor, we’ll keep tossing a bit of fungicide cleaner at it and showering on!
I am reminded of a quote: “Hiding every great, nude man there is a wonderful shower curtain.” I suggest that the next time you get out of the shower you take time to express the extreme gratitude that every shower curtain deserves.
June 1st, 2009 at 7:31 am
Thanks for this Matt. I need to express my gratitude to my shower curtain.
June 1st, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Please let it be known, that this shower curtain is in the imagination of Matt!!!! NOT in my home!!!:)
June 1st, 2009 at 3:15 pm
“interesting”