Scent to Hades
Melissa and I are standing in our kitchen cleaning up some of the Tupperware that’s been hiding under my car seat. A team of forensic and culinary experts could never identify the moldy remains; they could only guess that most of the food once fell into the meatloaf category.
“Ugh.” Melissa states as she breaks the seal on another biological weapon. “Why do you let these things sit in your car? Why don’t you just bring them in? Please Matt, you’re killing me.”
“I would but I usually can’t find them under the dirty laundry.”
I work two jobs. One requires a “loose professional”look: non-themed tie, braided leather belt, slacks, and a button-up. For job number two, I change out of these into a pair of swimming trunks and a tacky T-shirt. This transforms my car (affectionately titled the 945) into a duffel bag on four wheels.
When was the last time you opened your gym bag, stuck your head in, and took a deep breath? (Warning: Bag may stink! Illustration purposes only!) That’s what my car smells like on a regular basis.
Melissa hands me another rinsed Tupperware container and I look for a place in the dishwasher to rack it. The other dishes try backing away.
“Don’t worry about the stench in my car, Melissa. I’ve got this simple solution. I’ll just take some of that cologne you like that I hardly ever wear and spritz my seats a bit. Problem solved!”
“Oh no! Don’t do that!” My wife releases her nose. “You’re not destroying a smell you’re only marrying it to the bad one and the results aren’t pretty! The freshman boys would walk by my room after gym class coated in some masculine body spray that only mixed with smell of their sweat! Aaawk, it was awful.”
I tried placing the next plastic container; more shuffling by the regular dishes. “So I wouldn’t be replacing a garbage truck with a limo…I’d be running the two into a head-on collision?”
“Yes, now gently and easily put the idea down and back away.”
“How about a little FreeBreeze? Fresh meadow scent?”
“That would be ok.” Melissa took a deep breath before opening the last container. “You know, I had a girl who would smoke before she came to my class each day. Before she walked in, she would douse herself in some cheap perfume to try and cover the smell. Instead, she only made it difficult for those around her to breath. I had to open the windows after her class each day.”
“Are you suggesting I drive with my windows open?”
She shook her head. “Matt, for as long as you’ve had that car it has stunk. Let’s not fight it anymore and by all means…let’s not share it with the world.”
May 28th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
this is a true story. i have experienced this.
May 28th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Ahhh yes, the 945… the stink mobile!!!!! Just think, we used to date in that car!!!
May 28th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Ha! I get it! instead of “Sent to Hades” its “Scent to Hades” its because your car smells horrible! BWAHAHAHAHA
May 28th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
the only way to get rid of the smell of matt is to”BURN IT” and buy new
May 28th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Febreeze is awesome