Dodo Eggs

The pile of report cards sat on the table and I began to leaf through them.  “Marisa York…looks like she’ll pass with mostly Bs.  Stacy Dreyfuss (I cringe)…one F and the rest are low Cs.  I guess she’ll pass.”

Then I come upon Lamar Williamson’s report card.  “Eeeeow.”  I knew it was going to be bad but I was unprepared for the true damage.  “Let’s see, four Fs and one D.  But it looks like he passed art during the second six weeks.  The final exam must be finger painting.”

Lamar isn’t really that dumb.  The hamster does turn the exercise wheel just not very fast.  I gave his math grades a much closer examination.  “Sixty for the first six weeks.  Sixty-two was earned for the second six weeks.  Another sixty shows up before Christmas. And so it goes.”

I look up and speak directly to the teacher across the table from me.  She’s examining report cards for failing students as well.  “Mrs. Motter, do you have any idea how Lamar has done this year?”

She rolls her eyes.  “Well, that kind of question really wouldn’t tax my psychic powers.  Why don’t you try something a bit harder?”

“He hasn’t come even close to passing at any point this year.”  I waved the paper in front of her.  “I’m not shocked either but every now and then I did catch him dulling his pencil on paper.  Why haven’t we heard from his parents?”

“Don’t you know?  Now-a-days it’s our responsibility.”

“Quit toying with me for a minute.  The parents see the report card and notice that by winter break their son has earned three solid Fs.  Don’t you do something about it?  Why not schedule a conference to talk to the teachers about it?”

Mr. Young, who was sitting down the table from me, spoke up.  “A lot of the time they don’t see them.  I’ve had parents come up on the last day of school and claim that they had no idea their kid was failing!  When we ask them if they’d seen their kid’s report cards, they say they had no idea when they came out!  I’m not kidding here!”

My eyes narrowed.  “What?  That’s the absolute dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  It’s April folks!  We’ve been in school for ten months!  We’ve issued a report card!  Hey, sometime during supper ask!  Aren’t these folks even the least bit curious?!  If you love your child at all, wouldn’t you at least try to do something?”

Mrs. Motter spoke up again.  “Lamar has two older brothers who are in jail.  I think the parents are only here to breed inmates for us.”

That surprised me.  “Well, if these parents aren’t interested in raising the kids, why have them?”

“Tax break.”

“It’s too easy to have one.”

I shuffled Lamar’s report card to the failure pile.  “Then there are only two things left to say.  One, no one has the authority to tell adults they cannot have a child.  Two, many people should definitely refrain anyway.”

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