Dodo Eggs

“Wow, would you look at this.  I haven’t seen showmanship this contrived or manufactured since my last Village People concert.  I can’t believe people buy into this stuff!”  My comment was designed to get Mrs. Murphy’s attention. 

I was looking at a torn out magazine ad that had fallen out of one of the school lockers.  It was a picture of some hip-hop performers (musicians or artists are words that don’t apply here).  The picture had a black back ground with big gold lettering set in front of a bouquet of one hundred dollar bills.  Behind the rappers was a purple El-Camino.  They all wore long T-shirts, more gold than the Federal Reserve, and scowls. 

I’d seen similar looks from other Ka-Bump–Thump (rap) creators.  (And I mistakenly believed entertainers were supposed to be creative.)  The rapper’s manufactured look reminded me a little of how all hair bands of the 1980’s and early 90’s used the same look… long hair, tight jeans, and “I weight 140 lbs. but I’m still shooting intimidating looks”. 

“Do you see what these guys are doing?” I asked Mrs. Murphy. “Take a hard look at how they have their arms folded.  Do you see it?”

She gave the tattered magazine page a hard look. “This must have fallen out of someone’s locker.”

I tried again. “No, I mean do you see what those clowns are doing to their arms?”

She squinted at the middle performer. “You mean the tattoo? I think it says, Lil’Big’n or is that Lil’ Bling?  I can’t tell.  You know, personally I like country music.”

I pointed to the ad.  “What I’m trying to show you is that these guys have their arms crossed and their pushing their biceps wide with the back of their fists.  Do you see it?”

“No, I thought they had just big muscles.”

I was aghast.  “That’s an old trick we used to use in the high school weight room!  Pushing the backside of your arms flattens them and makes them look larger! This works on you?  Tell me, can you spot a toupee?  What is your opinion of mid-winter tans?”

“Mr. Teply,” she was loosing interest.  “I have a lot of papers to grade.”

“Before you go, let me fill you in regarding men and crossing their arms. One, if a guy is at the pool and he’s crossing his arms he’s self-conscious about his man-boobs or this extra flab. Two, if a guy has his arms crossed and is walking; he is posing like a peacock with feathers in full show. No one walks with his arms crossed. And three, if you’re a rap guy it means, ‘I couldn’t letter with my high school band but your still buy’n my album, sucka.”

“Talk’n big like a debate team / Cus  sucka, I got’a rebuttal
Rapper’s dress code have’n one rule / Don’t be wear’n nut’n subtle!”

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