Dodo Eggs

Has your sixteen-year old son or daughter been upstairs sleeping for over thirty-six hours with no sign of life?

Does the foul stench coming from the spare bedroom indicate death or unwashed hormones?

Is your teenager stiff and unresponsive when you ask them questions such as, “When are you going to clean your room?” or “So how are your classes going?”

Like millions of American parents, you’re concerned about your adolescent child’s vital signs.  You want the peace of mind that comes with knowing our young people have brain waves and a heart beat.  Are their barely perceptible movements caused my small earthquakes or bodily functions?  Now there is an easier way to decide whether to call your Armed Services Recruiter or your neighborhood mortician!  

The trusted makers of the Hamster Fertility Test, DodoEggs.com, now offers you our next ground breaking product…the Teenage Fatality Test.  With this ingenious device, you can tell in mere seconds whether you have a living, breathing homo sapien (as defined by California state law) or a serious mold problem. 

Here’s how it works…(Please note:  For all such tests we encourage users to wear latex gloves and a respirator.)  Remove the Sharpened Stick device from its sealed, sterile plastic protector.  This product is proudly made in the USA and is certified 100% organic.  

Each adolescent has a head, which is a rounded protrusion that extends from one end.  It is usually covered with a large, thick patch tangled hair; this is true for both males and females.  The other end can be located by identifying the two stench inducers commonly known as feet.  Place the narrow end of the Sharpened Stick device against the fleshy, rounded area where the appendages with feet come together.  An equally unappealing cotton coating may cover the area.

 Securely place both hands on the shaft of the Sharpened Stick   Yell, “Pizza’s Here!” then shove the stick into the flesh portion.  Safety first!  Make sure to use your legs instead of your back.  If your teenager is alive, there should be some movement initiated by the living teenager. 

 If performed correctly, the patented Teenage Fatality Test provides conclusive results within seconds.

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