Negotiating Reality
The United Nations hasn’t been good for much but one of their crowing achievements has been the passing of UN Resolution # 8EX (Don’t spend too much time trying to figure out what 8EX is…it’s supposed to be a sideways skull and crossbones). This document officially bans the use of the skull and crossbones emblem on the shipping lanes of the high seas. This powerful action, coupled with the notorious drop in wooden ship production, should have completely eradicated piracy and relegated the profession to the fanciful pages of fiction.
Avast ye, it hasn’t been so! For many, news of current pirates off the uncivilized Somali coast has become a bit of a surprise. On April 8th, 2009, armed pirates off the Horn of Africa in the Indian Ocean took the freight ship Maersk Alabama. The pirates held the ship for only brief period before the crew retook control. The captain, a man named Richard Phillips, was taken hostage.
You’ve heard the story…The pirates took the captain along with supplies of food and water and boarded one of the twenty-four foot lifeboats. They would attempt to make it back to shore but their engine failed. With their ship dead in the water and much too far from shore to swim, the pirates were quickly surrounded by other vessels including the naval destroyer USS Banebridge. Instead of releasing the hostage and surrendering, the pirates began demanding a ransom (2 million! Shoot, I’m not worth that much.) and their freedom or they would kill the captain.
Apparently, government negotiators were working to free the captain. Really? What types of negotiations needed to take place? Put the professionals away for a moment. From the deck of the Banebridge, broadcast this message to the four pirates.
“Attention! You are given two options. If you choose to kill your hostage, we will sail within close range and every serviceman on this ship will begin shooting at you…UNTIL WE ARE SURE YOUR BLOATED BODIES HAVE TOO MANY HOLES TO FLOAT! If you release the Mr. Phillips to us, you will be allowed to live. You will be convicted and placed in jail but you will live. But we must remind you…THERE IS NO WAY IN #$%@^ YOU WILL BE ALLOWED TO WALK AWAY FROM THIS WITH FREEDOM OR MONEY!”
(Attn Professional Negotiators: This is a suggested serving. The font has been enlarged to show texture. You may edit to taste.)
The funny thing is…most hostage takers want money and even they know, “you can’t take it with you.”
Am I making this too simple? Even if the navy or shipping company did agree to a ransom, wouldn’t they need to haul the pirates back too shore? Wait, here’s Plan B…Tell them anything you want then as soon as they are on deck and the captain is removed…shoot them.
What an idea! On Sunday, April 12th, Navy SEALS did just that by shooting three of the four pirates dead in quick succession. Just when my confidence in the direction of our country takes a new low, something happens to lift my spirits.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Lets just hope they got jonny Depp