Dodo Eggs

DODOEGGS.COM

Proud Employer for the Witness Relocation Program

Sponsor of Whimpleberry High School’s JV Chess Team

Lead Developer of D-U-Why Non-Alcoholic Whiskey

From the Desk of ChiefDodo-

Recently, several of our concerned employees have inquired about a written policy for professional behavior and a resource for addressing concerns.  I immediately scheduled a meeting for 6:00 Am Saturday morning.  Those emp0lyees that showed up were greeted by my secretary (I was in bed).  They were served beagles, rhubarb cream cheese, and a half bag of stale Bugles that I just couldn’t finish Friday afternoon.  Ursula handed out binders covered with faux Corinthian leather and inside were 600 pages that all said, “YOU’RE UNEMPLOYED, GO HOME AND WATC H CARTOONS.”

Such ignorance is not acceptable here at the cooperate headquarters.  As I like to say “True professionals approach their profession like pros.”  (I’m refering to athletes here. )

Here’s what I don’t get…If there aren’t any rules regarding something, why make them up!?  Do I have to put, “Make sure your pants are pulled up after leaving the bathroom” in writing or do you already have that down?

Fine, here’s a quick look at the DodoEggs.com Employee Pamphlet.

*Office romances are strictly encouraged.  I makes the work environment a whole lot more fun.  (As soon as I hire a female.  They walk by our offices all the time because I’m watching them!!  When one applies, I tell them that it will be just like the Smurfs.  She’ll be Smurfette!  She will have her choice of all the geeks!  This hasn ‘t worked out yet.)

*In the lunchroom, no one is allowed to make microwave able caramel corn.  Chemistry has nothing capable of taking the lumps of burnt kernels off the inside walls.

*All padded office chairs are stuffed with potpourri to help control unauthorized flatulaence.  Some workers (Eugene) mistakenly believe the shallow walls of thier cubical fence in such malodors.  They are wrong.  And I dont’ want to hear anything about the chairs stuffed with Evergreen Fresh.  Pine cones will not kill you!

• Staff Memo – Sexual Harassment
• Professor Hurlbert Interview
• Throw Out The Ab-Blaster!!
• Staff Memo – Looking At 2010
• The Outhouse