Dodo Eggs

I’m sitting in a congested church gym trapped on the far side of a plastic eight-foot table.  People have me boxed in on the right and on the left.  With the wall behind me, there is no escape.  The battered, steel-folding chair under my rear hasn’t warmed yet and I’ve been sitting on it for almost twenty minutes.  Then there’s my empty Styrofoam cup.  It doesn’t hold enough soda to quench anyone’s thirst and just looking at it gives me an environmental guilt trip. On top of everything else, one of the tines has broken off my clear plastic fork and has already become lost in a robust pile of various casseroles.

All this is to be expected and I still wouldn’t miss a church potluck for the world.  Everything that is important to a great meal is here in spades (well, except for atmosphere): more delicious food than you or your Saint Bernard could eat, in addition to wonderful company.

The older man in front of me goes by Mr. Jack.  Between bites of Swedish meatballs he says, “Matt, listen to a little bit of wisdom.  There are two things you should always be willing to lay out good money for.  They are a good pair of shoes and a quality mattress.  After all, these are the things you spend ninety percent of your time on.”

This bothered me a bit.  Here I am getting old and I completely lack any homespun advice to dump on other people after we’ve discussed the weather.  I needed to immediately begin breeding common sense with a bit of cleaver thinking.  I would begin the second I fished the plastic shard out of my goulash.

Amazingly, it didn’t take me too long.  In fact, it was an exercise similar to a zebra studying his own stripes.

Instant Wisdom #1- “Tis Better to be Bored Than Miserable”

This pertains mostly to your employment.  If you like your job, consider yourself one of the blessed.  If your job bores you to that certain numbness, then consider yourself better off than the pitiable that hate their job.  There’s no joke here.  If you’ve had a job you despise then you have a much harder time complaining about being bored.

The strange thing about this rule is some try to break it.  How many people do you know that the moment they become bored they have to cause some sort of trouble?

Disposable Wisdom #2- “Everything is a Hassle Until It Must Be Done.”

Taxes and that five page term paper slide into this maxim with remarkable ease.  It seems like every nagging thing in life loiters in the back of your mind until it becomes a pressing need forcing you into action.  Of course, if you’re responsible enough to take care of things as they come up…

Second String Wisdom #3- “Nothing of Any Value Occurs After Nine O’ Clock”

It’s with great confidence that I make this proclamation.  Oh, the countless hours I stayed up late doing nothing when an early rise would have meant a trip to the gym.  People only stay up late because they are blowing through money, destroying their health, or wasting time.  Anyone who’s attended college can boast proficiency with all three.

In fact, the only exception to the rule (and I hesitate to mention this) would be the conception of my children.

NO DOUBT YOU FEEL WISER FOR READING DODOEGGS.COM.  COME BACK FRIDAY TO DISCOVER HOW STUPID MATT CAN TRULY BE.

• OLIVIA ARRIVES!
• Seeking Personalities
• Laying Dodo Eggs
• Precious Metals
• Maintaining Resale Value