Devil’s Lake Act Duce
Lights come up on Greg and Matt as they slowly stroll across the stage. They look haggard with their clothes bunched and wrinkled. They are covered in swollen, red mosquito bites. The background is a wide canvas painted with a typical camp scene.
Matt (sound of flies from offstage): “Woe is the nose that is greeted by the visible odors you’re giving off my faithful friend.”
Greg (in response): “Matt, you contribute as well to the miasma that has taken residence in cabin thirteen.”
Matt: “Ha! Although the skunk pauses before crossing my path, the true fault does not lie with me. What you smell is the bitter conclusion to the concession pizza Jon bought the first night we took residence here. It continues its decay in the corner even now.”
Matt (clasps his hand around Greg’s arm, he crouches a bit and points off stage): Hark! There, exiting from the back of the girl’s bathroom, it appears to be a person of our own persuasion! Could it be that one side of the structure is for men and the other for women?”
Greg (squinting): “Be that person male or female I cannot decipher and now they are removed from sight.”
Matt (excited): “Let us not tarry another moment! Quick, fetch your unused towels and soap!”
Greg (begin pulled my Matt): “But wait!!”
Lights go down then the spotlight comes up on the narrator.
Narrator: “When thirteen year old boys truly argue of the extent of the foul smell you can rest assured that it is pungent. Matt is earnest in his thinking. He truly believes that he saw a male exit the back of the new and inviting girl’s bathrooms. On their way back to Number Thirteen, Greg continues his wary protests but Matt ignores him stressing the fact that he has a simple test. We rejoin our heroes alongside the back of the girl’s restroom.”
Lights come up on Matt and Greg. The background is a wide canvas painted mustard orange with slightly darkened outlines of cinderblock joints. There is a white door painted directly before them. Both actors stand facing each other with towels and other hygienic tools in their arms.
Matt: “Behold! It is just like I was saying. This side of the building is completely unmarked! Girls come to and fro on the other side but there is precious little activity on this side.”
Greg: “The other side faces the girl’s cabins.”
Matt (speaking as if flustered): “The test is a simple one! We will creep inside. If there is a urinal equipped inside then it must be a men’s restroom. What possible cause is there for a male device in a female domain!?”
Greg (grudgingly convinced) “You speak truly. But if we see that there is nothing but stalls then we must flee like frightened hens.”
The canvas rolls up quickly to reveal a different back ground. The half near stage right is painted with a long row of stalls with a single urinal at the end. Stage left is painted to resemble showers with real curtains set in front of the canvas and held by aluminum rods. Both sections are separated by a plywood partition.
Matt (excited): “A thousand nays are overturned by a single yea! Look Greg, there is a urinal at the end. I ask again. How can this be considered a women’s facility?”
Greg (stuck as if his feet were stuck in mud): “I understand your merriment. I only wish the evidence was a bit more conclusive.”
Matt leaves Greg and marches to the other side of the stage. He immediately jumps behind on of the curtains.
Matt (yelling over the sound of running water): “You will receive no further invitation Greg. Shower now or allow your smell to send those around you into fiendish, wrenching fits.”
Greg shrugs then walks stage left.
Greg (pointing off stage): “That is surly the most grand mirror I’ve ever seen! It takes up nearly the entire wall.”
Matt replies by belting out a familiar show tune. He is obviously busy washing. Greg dallies a moment longer before going behind another curtain. For a few minutes, both actors sing lusty songs and at times seem to be competing with each other in machismo and volume. Finally, Matt exits the curtain with only a towel in front of him. The rest of the actor is covered with a flesh colored body stocking. There’s the sound of a door closing and a female enters from stage right. She faces the front of the stage and acts as if she is tying her shoes.
Matt: “Greg! (Greg stops singing.) Did you hear that? It sounded as if someone has come in.”
Matt drapes the towel in front of him to the neglect of his backside and peeks around the partition. The girl notices him immediately and both scream. She runs and Matt spins towards Greg.
Matt (loudly): “Fire and brimstone Greg! The urinal was a decoy! And worst of all…I fear the mirror along the opposite wall showed her my full moon!”
Greg punches the shower curtain wildly before stumbling onto the stage half dressed. Matt already has his pants and shirt partially on.
Matt and Greg scamper off to stage right.
Matt and Greg (together): “Flee like the fresh wind that now proceeds us! That we may again escape the many snares of Devil’s lake.”
Stage goes dark then a spotlight comes up on the narrator.
Narrator: “Matt and Greg escape this time and now wear the story like a badge of honor. They will spend their lives pitting this ridiculous event against tales of bungee jumping and bull riding. After all, how many can claim a shower in the bathroom of the opposite gender. Thank you for coming and good night.”
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