Devil’s Lake Act Uno
The Narrator stands in front of a blackened screen. Slowly he raises his hand and the room gradually tumbles into sheer silence. “Thank you for coming to tonight’s performance of, ‘Devil’s Lake.’ We are confident that you will enjoy tonight’s presentation or your popcorn purchase will be completely and totally refreshed with the leftovers at the close or our performance.”
He steps behind a podium and opens a dramatically heavy book as the curtains part. The scene reflects his scripted words. “There’s a lake in the beltway of North Dakota where on a clear sunset you may catch the innumerable hordes of mosquitoes darkening a portion of the crimson sun as they carry enchanted forest creatures away. A typical scene for the area they call Devil’s Lake.”
A plywood front is wheeled onto the stage. The plywood is shaped and painted in the traditional form of a school bus. Actors and actresses talk in excited tones mumbling about swimming, crafts, and stories. Three actors shuffle in front of the other actors their voices coming to the fore.
Greg: (fine brown hair with glasses, leans a bit nerdish) “Well, we’re here. It’s a shame our parents decided to drop one of life’s milestone on our toes instead of letting us just do what we wanted to this summer. We could be playing our Retardo right now.”
Matt: (broadly built even as a youngster, dark brown hair and eyes, carrying melancholy like one of his bags) “This is just like little league only there’s no chance of rescue. I told my mom I didn’t want to go but she decided to abandon her eldest anyway.”
Jon: (Auburn hair with a bowl cut, freckles and a baby face, the energy of a loosed animal) “Are you kidding?! This is great! My mom and dad aren’t here to pin me down with their constant supervision. I’m telling you guys, I’m not leaving here without a kiss.”
Greg holds up a folded sheet of paper: “It kind of looks like our cabin is over here.”
They begin walking in place as the bus is darkened and rolled away. Extras also file out. A stage front with three white doors is wheeled onto stage. The paint is chipped and gone in several places. The boys don’t seem impressed.
Matt: “Uh, which suite did you say was ours?”
Jon: (interrupting) “You boys know you’ll have to clear out if I manage to smuggle a girl back here, right?”
Greg: (to Matt) “It looks like we’re in number thirteen. That’s not a good sign and look (he opens a palm toward the door with a disgusted look on his face) we’re the only ones without a screen door or even a screen on the window!”
Matt: (head hanging a bit) “But it’s been averaging almost a hundred degrees during the day with only a spoonful of relief at night! We’ll just have to leave the window completely open then.”
Greg (incredulously): Are you insane? The mosquitoes will eat us alive! (slaps his face) See what I mean?
Jon: “What about the bathrooms?”
The boys walk back toward stage left. Darkening lights help mask the retreat of the white door fronts. Lights rise upon a sad looking stage. A canvas wall is drawn with the parallel and perpendicular mortar seams of a cinderblock wall. A prop toilet stands by itself with a dingy gloss. Pallets line the floor catching the plummeting drops from pipes poking through the canvas. Matt looks aghast and Greg little better.
Matt: “We can’t shower here! Look…right there…is that a spider web along the ceiling! Webs mean spiders and when I rinse I’ll have to close my eyes! The vermin will strike me then!”
Greg (jumps back and points) Right there! Did you see it? It was right there! I saw a cricket! Larger than a dime and just as bloodthirsty! Oh, weep my friends for a man is never so defenseless as when he is nude and beginning puberty…as we all possibly are.”
Matt and Jon nod in agreement.
Jon: (sniffs his armpits) “You know what? I think I’ll fare as well as nature will allow. Yea, twelve-year-old maidens are none too picky. I’ll just tell them that it’s musk.”
Greg: “The girls are on the other side of the campground! You can’t go over there, all right! In fact, I don’t think we’re even allowed in the cafeteria at the same time!”
Matt: (voice low) “We came with virgin lips and we will depart with the same.”
The stage completely darkens and a sharpened light comes up on the narrator.
Narrator: “Sizzling temperatures, swarms of blood sucking vermin, facilities without lavender hand soap, and safeguards protecting the young maidens! Our heroes have seemingly impossible odds stacked against them. Will they keep a bold heart or pine for the comfortable feel of their Retardo Entertainment System? “
February 12th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
hmmm my guess is retardo. which was a SWEET system
January 26th, 2010 at 1:13 am
Great post. I’ve been looking for this exact information for a while now. Bookmarked!