Dodo Eggs

Dear Doc Pokorny,

I’m having a hard time getting my husband, Mark, to do all the things he should.  For example, our porch swing has been making a horrible squeak for the last three weeks and he just won’t seem to take care of it.  When I ask him, he kind of blows me off and says he’ll get to it whenever he feels like it.

And he’s so careless when it comes to using the bathroom!  Sometimes I go in there and it doesn’t seem like he aims at all!  So I told him that I wanted him to sit when he pees.  We women have always done it and it doesn’t seem like too much to ask for Mark to do it just when he’s home.

Like a mature adult, I talk to him all the time about these things.  He just shrugs and blows me off as if he’s heard it all before.  I know he has but what else am I supposed to do!  He just doesn’t listen to me anymore.

I guess where I’m going with this is…how do I get better control of my husband?

I’ve taken his stupid, little video game system and hidden it.  That made him angry but it didn’t accomplish what I wanted it to.  I’ve laid on guilt trips and withheld “affection.”  Until further notice, I won’t wash any of his clothes either.  Daytime television tells me to talk to him so I’m back to that.

He just shrugs.  Should I try a cattle prod?

With Frustration, 

Betty Carpenter

Dear Frustrated,

I’m currently writing a book called, “How to Make Your Husband Inwardly Hate You” and I would love to have you write the forward and design the dust cover.

Making yourself a royal pain in the posterior is not going to work on your husband.  My eyes began hurting as soon as I started reading your letter so I can only assume that Mark can’t stand to hear your voice anymore.  In fact, he’s daydreaming about what his life would have been like if he hadn’t married you…right now.

Do you realize that like anything else, your husband makes associations between things?  How do you suppose your husband would finish the following matching quiz…

Here’s a novel concept…DON’T MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO LOVE YOU!  Make your requests known then leave it at that.  Short of hypnosis, you really can’t control your husband’s behavior anyway.

And if you really did marry a deadbeat, well, it looks like you’re screwed.

Sincerely,

Dr. Pokorny

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