Law of Diminishing Return
“Ok, today we’re talking about something extreeeemleeee important. Please stop texting your love interests and drunken roommates.”
Almost half of the student’s heads turned up to make sure the prof wasn’t speaking directly to them.
“And those of you in the back…yea, I’m speaking to you…you’re not fooling anyone! Stop surfing the Internet for a while and take some actual notes!”
A quieted voice from somewhere in the back responded, “We don’t say ‘surf’ anymore.”
Dr. Balzag was a short, bearded man with slightly overgrown eyebrows and hard-core bend toward the old fashioned. He took pride in his tweed suits and bow ties. Wearing open toed sandals was a bone he threw to the other wacko professors in his department and he still hadn’t been invited to any Friday afternoon faculty meetings!
He began again with a voice that could cleave stone. “The Law of Diminishing Return states, ‘Some is needed, more is better, and much is for suckers.
Here’s what I mean. If I were to offer each of you a banana, most of you would eat it since the greasy hair, ball caps, and frumpled sweatshirts indicate most of you rolled out of bed and didn’t stop until you bumped into your desk. It’s good to eat a banana because it’s good for you and helps fill your stomach. Eating a second one wouldn’t hurt either. No doubt, your bodies could use the potassium. But what if you ate a third then a fourth? How many could you down before your body began flushing out the potassium without making use of it? Or just up chuck?”
Another weak voice from the back said, “The same goes for tweed grandpa.”
Dr. Balzag pulled a small, toy car out of his pocket. “Take a car for example. For $12,000 dollars you can buy a reliable, new car to get you where you need to go. Throw in another $10,000 dollars and maybe you’ll get there with a little more comfort but that last $10,000 isn’t accomplishing nearly as much as the first $12,000 did. And for those who buy a $60,000 automobile, they are essentially taping the last $30,000 to the outside of their car just for others to take note.”
“Don’t be hating on my pimp sled, doc.”
A quick rub of the temples and the good professor finished his point. “Alright, you split one pitcher of beer and you feel good, two and your just additionally drunk, and three…” Dr. Balzag scowls and gives the thumbs down. “…three and you’re passed out completely. You’ll miss your good time completely.”
There was silence for a moment before, “But I’ve got enough money for three.”
February 6th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
haha thats good Matt. like one Teply boy is good. Two is even better. but once the 3rd shows up….hide your children…