Dodo Eggs

Sir Otto was molded by a different philosophy. His father was the dean of the esteemed Malmont School for Knights. His mother was the wealthiest noble woman in the countryside. Added to these obvious advantages was Sir Otto’s amicable personality and classical good looks.

His instructors at Malmont feared retribution if Otto were to fail, thus Otto’s graded tasks often included placing baby birds back into their nest without touching them and warding of Latin school bullies. On many occasions Otto’s tasks included travel to a distant location such as arriving in Sweden and ridding the countryside of corrupt Italian merchants.

Everywhere he went Otto brought cheer and lots of money. He would acquaint himself with the local magistrate and herald, “this realm as the finest governed plot of God’s earth he has visited”. Each day Otto would walk the town or hamlet buying shoes for small children or a round of ale at the local tavern. At night, he would host dances with the entourage of musicians and bards that always accompanied him.

Otto’s fame grew with each journey. He spoke with everyone and shunned on one. All were welcome at his free meals. The mere mention of his name was rumored to bring good fortune. From the Atlantic to Moscow, no knight was better known and more beloved that the generous and gregarious Sir Otto.

One year during the season of Purim, the king in conjunction with the royal record keeper, declared a contest of valor and strength. All the knights in the land were to gather in his lord’s capital city for the competition. Otto, Edward, Phillip, and others from Malmont were among the first to arrive.

The king stood on a platform before all those gathered, and pronounced, “I have had an attendant place and guard the royal scepter upon the towering mountain overlooking my capital. My servant will give it to the first man who can place his banner upon the summit. Then return it to me and you will be proclaimed greatest of the great.”

Many of the knights departed without delay. Sir Phillip was first among them. He thought, “Persistence, speed and hard work have won me vast respect. And they will do the same again.”

Sir Edward reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a map of the region. He began looking of trails and passes that could be used to make his endeavor successful. He reasoned, “Only the smartest path taken will win the event. ” He made his decision, and began.

Sir Otto meandered into the tavern for refreshment and a hale of applause.

Phillip and Edward were the first knights to reach the mountain’s summit. The king’s attendant was there but the scepter was not. “I am sorry brave knights but another of your number has beaten you.” The servant gave each a sympathizing look. ” His banner proclaimed him as the great Sir Otto. See here is his banner planted firmly before me.”

The knights returned amid a great celebration. Sir Otto was standing on the platform grasping the scepter, and accepting congratulations.

“Sir Otto!” Edward shouted. “We saw you depart not for the mountain but for the local tavern. And now you stand here being hailed as greatest of the great. Explain please the means of your exceptional victory!”

Sir Otto responded, “My friends and fellow knights, during my many travels I have had occasion to encounter a good number of wonderful people. One of which was an artist who lives on the mountain before you. There he paints magnificent landscapes in watercolor!

He travels the mountain daily and has created his own set of rigs and pulleys to allow his body to ascend like the angels.

I entered the tavern, and he was there ingesting a beverage from the proprietor’s fine establishment. I told him of my quest and offered to purchase each and every one of his watercolors if he would hoist my banner on the mountain’s summit and bring back the king’s scepter. He agreed and now I stand before you with the prize!”

The king with little sincerity then asked how Otto wished the royal record to read. Sir Otto turned to the scribes and every bard present and dictated, “The quick path to glory is not always how hard one strives, or how wisely laid the path is. The best route is most often little extra money and knowing the right people.”

All agreed. Thus moral corruption swept the countryside and continues to this day.

What followed was a series of twisted and one-side battles, which effectively cut, then cut, then cut again the numbers of barbarian warriors. Edward and Phillip orchestrated each massacre disguised with heavy woolen cloaks and swift, decisive action.

To ensure an immediate and aggressive Baka assault on the Aviar horses and scouts, Edward planted his banner on the rise near the Aviar camp. When the Baka leader recognized the banner, his suspicions were confirmed. He attacked and destroyed or captured all Aviar horses and troops. Phillip rescued a young Aviar scout and allowed him to carry the news of the Baka treachery to the Aviar leadership.

The Aviars responded with a frenzy of mobilization. Aviar cavalrymen were given whatever horses were left to scavenge. The Aviar’s vengeful war cries could be heard for miles, which reached the ears of Baka scouts.

The knights had sent word to the remaining half of the Bakan army that the Aviars were planning to betray them by killing their king and half their army thus making the Bakas servants instead of partners. The Bakas sent scouts to the Aviar camp and overheard the cries for the death and dismemberment of all Bakas.

The remaining half of the Bakan army prepared to attack their Avair allies. Both groups now acting without their leadership and succumbing to mob sentimentality.

Edward watched these events unfold with a sense of keen satisfaction. Phillip was beside himself in awe. “Edward are you a sorcerer that you can control men’s minds? Our enemies have virtually volunteered to annihilate each other!”

On his march to meet the Bakan chief, the Aviar king was now suspicious of Edward’s hand in this catastrophe. The loss of virtually all of his horses now made his army inferior to the better-trained infantry of the Bakas. He considered it a distinct possibility that Sir Edward had engineered the Baka attack. His fellow leaders warned against rushing headlong into a battle with the Bakas unless some proof of their treachery could be discovered.

The Aviar advisors cautioned, “They have never betrayed us before and what could Edward offer them that would compare with the plunder we could capture together? We must talk to avoid destroying ourselves. Only if we witness the very banner of Sir Edward himself flying in the middle of their camp will we attack.”

Their words were of prophesy for when the Aviars reached the exhausted, returning Bakan army, there for all to see was the captured banner of Sir Edward flying next to all their captured horses.

The Aviars attacked with lightning quickness. The shock and dismay registering on the Bakan faces as Aviar lances mowed them down. The Bakan king led a brave counter attack but his weary forces were overwhelmed.

Only a third of the once feared Aviar cavalry still remained. The Aviar king could only console himself with those riding behind and alongside him, “This is still enough to bring down any half-whit German prince.”

One final battle awaited him. When he arrived at his base camp, he discovered instead a bloody field. The leaderless Bakas had exercised “fate” and destroyed what they thought was going to be an Aviar surprise attack. Nothing was left but parts of the Baka army stripping Aviar bodies and burning their tents.

The final Aviar charge was an example of extraordinary carnage. Once the last arrow flew and the final spear found its target the threat to the German prince’s domain was gone. Edward eventually recovered his torn and tattered banner from that battlefield. He still uses it to this day.

Sir Edward drew on a different sort of strength. His instructors taught him every scrape of classical thought and reasoning. Life was filled with puzzles and each had infinite solutions. What separated the successful from the common was the ability to find the absolute best resolution.

Edward was born with a keen intellect he used to avoid every trap and snare his enemies set. He would often join in debates with the common traveler and scholar alike. The world’s finest minds wrote to Sir Edward by way of Melmont hoping for his gracious response to their query. Any court where Sir Edward was visiting was both well advised and well protected.

Most recently, two barbarian hoards had emerged to threaten Edward’s current duchy of residence. The Aviars and the Bakas were cutting a swath of destruction through Eastern Europe. Their tour of plunder had now reached Germany’s frontier with Poland. The native prince begged both Sir Edward and Sir Philip to save his rule.

The two knights saw the great threat this invasion posed to Western civilization and rode to meet the coming hoard. Upon their arrival, Phillip began immediately building embankments and other fortifications with his bare hands.

“Cease brave Phillip,” Edward insisted. “There is another path to our victory which will prove much shorter and less treacherous.” Sir Edward retook his stead and Phillip did the same.

When the prince returned to check the progress of his citadel’s defenses, he was dismayed to see work at a standstill and two riders with banners riding into the distance. They were traveling directly in the direction of the coming invasion.

The two knights reached the outskirts of barbarian camp. Edward dismounted, removed his armor, and packed his banner. Phillip was confused but knew better than to question his wise brother-in-arms. He also removed his armor and banner. They then tethered both horses together in a dense cluster of trees.

Both knights emerged from the trees dressed in rough wool garments with worn leather caps and gloves. Edward carried a long knife designed for common uses. Phillip was equipped with his shortest sword.

Edward pointed toward the enemy camp. “We shall climb that hill in order to get a view of our adversaries. I have no doubt a way to eliminate this threat will reveal itself to the patient and perceptive eye.”

Once they gained the hill’s best vantage point, Edward stooped low and began making mental notes while Phillip, just a few feet away, stood watch for scouts. Immediately, Edward noticed that the Aviars kept a separate camp from the Bakas. A low rise separated the two groups. He also noted that the Bakas lacked horses. In fact, it appeared some were even riding mules. While outside of every Aviar tent at least two horses there tied.

Edward smiled inwardly. “Ah, ha. A house divided shall not stand.”

He turned to one side and whistled. Phillip was at his side in an instant. “Let’s go. We’re headed down to the Aviar camp. Now remember, we are peasants. You must be naive with your weapon. ”

Phillip again did not understand yet his faith in Edward provided all the assurance he needed. He would do whatever his comrade asked. Both brave knights rose from hiding and began strolling toward the nearest Aviar watch fire.

Twenty feet from the closest test a group of Aviar guards emerged from the shadows and surrounded Phillip and Edward. Several had long spears and two were drawing crude bows with arrows. Almost instantly, Phillip had a grip on the handle of his sword. Edward shot him a warning look and Phillip let the handle slip and the short blade fell clumsily to the ground.

“Greetings allies.” Edwards was speaking in their own rough tongued language. “We are defectors from the local prince whose greed and mismanagement has done us little good over these years. The two of us worked for years in our master’s kennels, armory, and stables. We have brought important information for your leader as well as silver to spare our lives.”

Hearing their own coarse speech surprised and relaxed the guards. They lowered their weapons and brought the two knights into the camp. They walked past several large and small tents zigzagging their way to the middle.

The large tent occupying the middle of the camp was marked with primitive shapes and animals painted on the sides. In front, a circle had been formed using long spears jammed into the earth. On these spears were the trophy skulls of past adversaries.

Two bodyguards escorted Phillip and Edward though several hide flaps into the presence of their leader. A dying fire occupied the middle of the tent and along every side were piles of valuables. Bolts of silk, crates filled with gold and silver jewelry, even several casks of wine from farther east indicated a warlord who was well traveled and successful.

The chief sat cross-legged near the far side of the tent banked on both sides by three additional bodyguards. “My scouts tell me you speak our fine language, wish to present a gift, and have information for me as well. You are very wise for you have chosen life over death.”

Edward went to one knee and set a small pile of silver coins before him. Phillip quickly followed suit. “Great chief, my ancestors were members of the Aviar tribe and we have never lost our true love for our blood.

The news we have is terrible. Sir Edward the wise has been called to defeat you. He knows you use cavalry to great effect and plans on using my former master’s many wolfhounds tonight to raid your camp and injure as many tethered horses as possible. Do not let him do this! The wolfhounds are numerous, fast, and dangerous! If your horses are tied up their legs will be horribly injured!”

Phillip didn’t understand a word but did nod with emphasis.

The barbarian leader’s expression turned stern. “I know of this Edward. Tales of his wisdom have reached me from the far side of the earth. If injuring our horses is his plan, we shall thwart it.” He motioned to an attendant. “Take all the best horses and herd them to the north for a day. Stay for two then return. The threat should be past and all of our preparations will be ready.”

The chief thanked Edward and Phillip for the information and dismissed them. Men were shouting orders and those selected to travel with the horses packed saddles and provisions. Horses were being gathered before the knights had even gained the outside edge of the Aviar camp.

Two hours later Phillip and Edward were walking to an audience with the Baka leader. Edward laughed and joked with their Baka guides as they passed stacks of short spears and rows of sturdy, leather bound Baka shields.

Phillip could only marvel at Edward’s cunning and extensive knowledge of foreign tongues. Now that he had seen the number of barbarians in both camps, Phillip knew that their fighting prowess and the small army the prince maintained would have been insufficient in an open conflict.

The Baka chief lived in a semi-circle covered in a tightly woven thatch. There were no paintings or needless decorations just additional stacks of cleaned and freshly oiled leather shields. The door was a woven thatch curtain and inside the structure was given shape by a complicated network of short wooden lengths.

“I deliver the will of fate.” The Baka leader sat on a crate covered in a tight thatch. “And if you prove of use then fate will offer you a prosperous future. What do you have?”

“Great pride of the Baka people!” Edward crawled on his hands and knees toward the leader. Phillip followed having assumed the same humble stance. Ten feet from the chief they set before him the humble weapons they were equipped with.

“Leader! The two of us have come to you with horrible news! The prince you will soon be ridding us of has called the mighty Sir Edward to protect his kingdom. He has advised the prince to attack your flank with his cavalry. And to protect his wealth by having his finest horses escorted to different lands. Not only that but his troops are disguised as members of your Aviar allies. Do not let him make a fool of you!”

The Baka leader stood slowly. He seemed delighted with the news. “This is a blessing! We shall bring disaster upon them. And as God’s hand is swift, so shall we be. The hand of God has chosen us to cast His immutable judgment! We shall attack them by stealth at night! We shall assume their horses and send the rest to the netherworld. March!”

Immediately a large contingent of Baka’s finest assembled. They strapped their leather armor, light shields, and short spears to their back and began a swift march north in columns of five.

Phillip and Edward retreated to the thick outcropping of trees and reequipped their armor and weapons. They kept their banners wrapped. Each gave his horse its own lead to travel north as quickly and as efficiently as possible.

During the thirteenth century, three valiant knights held renown throughout the countryside. Their behavior came to define the title gentlemen and their names became synonymous with hero. They righted wrongs holding tightly to only their honor. Scribes worked tirelessly to record each act on the everlasting pages of parchment. Also, within the people’s hearts there beat the strong conviction that they were safe with a sword in each of these men’s gauntleted right fist. Their names were Sir Philip, Sir Edward, and Sir Otto.

These three knights had attended and graduated together from the finest school of chivalry, the Malmont Academy. During their tenure there, the stone halls of Malmont were heavy laden with their famous bronze shields upon which were engraved these hero’s finest deeds.

During tests of daring and strength, there was none equal to Sir Phillip. He possessed amazing might and speed, and often used them to bring his foes to their knees. Phillip would examine his foe only as long as he had to, then attack with incredible resolve and quickness. The sudden onslaught of Sir Phillip’s charge was like a peal of thunder, the sharp point of his iron tipped lance like a bolt of lightning. He was rash and relentless.

“Never let an errand go undone, never let a task gather dust, never allow a wound to fester.” Sir Philip’s mentors and teachers stressed victory through diligence and persistence.

On one particular occasion, Sir Phillip was called upon to hunt a hated criminal. This thief had appeared from the Fovoham Forest months ago and committed numeral burglaries and assaults. When pursued by the local sheriff, the thief would flee into the forest and disappear among the thick trees and brush. Even the king’s royal inspectors failed to capture this evil perpetrator.

Sir Phillip arrived upon an urgent request from Fovoham’s mayor.

The knight arrived in town with a contingent of royal inspectors and carrying his own banner. “Fear not nobles, commons, and clergy! I shall not depart from you presence until the wrongs that have besieged you have been avenged and you have been rewarded.”

The criminal heard the fanfare surrounding Sir Phillip’s arrival and thought to himself, “I will very quickly make an example of this fool. I will continue my activities and the dense Fovoham will protect me.”

That night while the town wrapped itself in sleep, the thief crept into town with the presence of a ghost. Never had he been so careful and so cautious. He slipped from narrow alleyway to cobblestone street with only stray cats noticing his passing.

“Where are the guards? Where are the royal inspectors keeping watch? Could this Phillip be so naïve and proud?”

At the inn were Phillip was lodging, the thief used a rain barrel to reach the ledge of Phillip’s window. Inside he found Phillip asleep, his armor stacked in one corner, provisions on the crude dresser, and his broadsword and battle axe next to his bed.

The criminal entered the shadows and considered his options. “I could kill him now and be forever known as the assassin of the mighty Sir Phillip or I could shame him. I could continue to rob and bring scorn on this stupid lout then in a final act I will steal his life.”

With that, the villain took Sir Phillip’s banner from it place against the wall and returned to the Fovoham Forest.

The next morning, Phillip noticed the missing banner immediately and understood what had happened. He dressed, ate, and called the royal inspectors to him.

“This criminal had taken my banner in an effort to bring shame upon my honor and prove my ineptness.” Many among the royal attendants seemed surprised. “He will sooner prove the sun unable to heat this earth than my hand unable to bring justice. Come.”

The royal inspectors rode out of town with Sir Phillip at he lead. Many of the townspeople noticed that Phillip was without his banner but all kept their silence. They feared that even the mighty Phillip would fail them.

Upon arrival at the Fovoham forest, Sir Phillip spread the royal inspectors about the forest’s edge forming a guarded perimeter.

From somewhere within the forest’s shadowed heart, the shout of the thief came. “Fool! As long as I am hidden by nature’s blanket you will never find me! Within my forested fortress I cannot be discovered!”

Sir Phillip said nothing and would not be daunted. He removed his battle-axe from the back of his saddle, and in a few short moments had felled the nearest tree. Phillip then moved on to the next tree, and leveled that tree as well. One by one the sturdy axe of Sir Phillip brought down the tall trees and leveled each shrub. The robber dared not leave the forest, so he continued to hide in the dwindling wood.

On a brisk fall day, Philip arrived at the last oak. He had been chopping down trees for two long months and now with the criminal forced to take shelter among the oak’s highest branches, Sir Phillip’s powerful arms cut completely through the tree with one swing. The tree tottered for a moment before it fell. The force of its impact killed the thief.

Hence, the Fovoham forest, den of thieves became the Fovoham plains, a fertile cropland that fed the people for generations.

“No good deed goes unpunished.” Or in the original Yiddish, “Too much accomplishment breeds more work.”

There is always more work to be done. It doesn’t matter if you accomplish ten tasks during the workday or twenty. When you waltz in the next morning, five more will be sitting at your desk. How many employees ever go to their bosses and say, “Gee boss, it looks like I’m done with everything! There isn’t anything left! I think I’ll knock off early.”

And yet, hard work and responsibility can bring rewards. Employers will take note of their best. This can be good or bad. Are their lucrative promotions in the air? Do you wish to climb your career’s ladder and reach rewarding heights? Competency and responsibility are ALWAYS in very high demand.

But what happens if there is no big promotion? What do you do when being organized and extra professional only earns you additional responsibilities (i.e. punishment)?

This is especially true in the realm of education where “dynamic” new programs crowd the air like dirigibles looking for someone on which to drop their load of responsibilities. Their sites are set on those who they know will get it done. They can smell responsible, motivated stooges from over five hundred feet in the air (or the administrator’s office, whichever is closer).

To avoid being enlisted, I always wander into the principal’s office at the beginning of the year, look around a bit, and with a look of consternation proclaim, “Wait, this isn’t the men’s bathroom!”

Further, I do my best to stay out of site and way from any controversy. I’m always fashionably late to faculty meetings or any semi-useless pony show. There is nothing in which I’m an expert, thusly shedding constant quarries. Like a fine wine, paperwork ages a bit on my desk before I get to it. Most of the time, I don’t even listen to the announcements!

And lo and behold, I started this school year on a grand total of zero committees! I don’t chair a darn thing and no one is emailing me with requests for information. Thus far, my paycheck seems uneffected.

I would never pull these shenanigans if doing so hurt my chances of that big promotion and raise.

Please Note: Before casting stones…this attitude has no bearing on the energy and strategies I use in my actual instruction. My classes are well run and I put effort into making them profitable for the students.

I’m just keeping my life simple.

When my three-year-old son and I are left to our own devices I pitch one of four things…every time. I don’t have to think about child development strategies or the best ways to increase his vocabulary. I just follow the options like a flow chart with only one flow or a winning game plan that never fails. Here it is…

“Hey kid, do you want to wrestle?” If not then, “Hey fruit-of-my-loins, are you hungry?” Already eaten? Then, “Hey junior, care for a overdose of your favorite cartoon?” Mom shakes her head so, “Hey buckwheat, let’s go to the park.”

Each option is a little more appealing than the last. When I finally mention the park, his eyes widen and he jumps up with all the energy of someone with a brand new body. He becomes a three-foot blur scampering toward the front door. Shoes? Maybe. A coat? Only if I can wrestle it on him.

We always have a good time. In defiance of the Law of Averages and even Murphy’s Law, we’ve never been hurt. If we need to pee, we shuffle behind the bathrooms and drop trousers. (Note: He has somehow translated this option into, “You can pee anywhere as long as you’re outside.” Ask our neighbors.) There are swings, and slides, places to climb, and tunnels to hide.

In fact, the most harrowing experience we’ve ever had involved something my boy has said not something he’s done.

We met a boy who was obviously a couple years older. This child had two pop guns (unloaded, whew!) and a fireman’s helmet.

He approached my son and asked, “Do you wanna play firehouse?” Then he offered my son one of the plastic guns.

My son has a mind still soft enough to absorb almost anything from anywhere. Like a well-tended garden, this mind will grow and respond as Melissa and I plant. However, even in the best gardens the wind may bring in ill placed seeds. One of these is the word, “Lipstick.” Although I never use the word and Melissa rarely says it, our son decided it was some sort of game. Your guess is as good as mine.

You can guess how he responded to the other boy. “Nah, do you wanna play lipstick?”

(Awkward pause. Older boy and father staring at my son in confusion.)

I cleared my throat. “What he meant to say was hide-and-seek. His mother looses her lipstick from time to time and it becomes a hide-and-seek game. Heh, heh.”

I guess they bought it. It really didn’t matter. My son didn’t want anything to do with the pretend world all he cared about was running, jumping, throwing, and sliding.

On the way home, I had a talk with my son, “Look pal, repeat after me…nuclear warhead, circular saw, musk, toxic waste dump, pit stains,….”

Dear Dr. Pokorny,

Fiscally Sensitive

Dear Tightwad,

Normally I read through a letter two or three times to get a feel for the writer’s question, tone, and state-of-mind. Yours took only one read and I knew there was a huge problem and it isn’t with the women of the world.

What your asking amounts to a golfer saying, “You know, the ball’s going in the hole eventually and why would I waste swings on getting it there when one good one will do the job. I think I’ll just shoot a hole-in-one.”

Yes, everyone wants to make it on that first shot but it really doesn’t work that way. (If you’ve ever dated a sand trap you know what I mean. Wink, wink.) You’ll just have to take you swings, replace your divots, and keep a steady grip on your club.

And if you didn’t like that advice try this…run each of your dates through an obstacle course of questions to begin each date! That way you can abort the date (order only appetizers then tell her you need to wash your hair) if it’s obvious she isn’t the one!

The next time you take a girl out to a restaurant start by pulling out a sheet of paper and ask her the following questions. This handy survey covers all the sticky issues that successful spouses usually have in common.

1. In six hundred words or less, please explain your political affiliations and what party line (if any) you usually tow?
2. Is there a God? Be specific. If yes, how do you relate to this Supreme Being?
3. All families have dysfunctions. What are the pitfalls I may have to deal with as your future spouse? Give examples such as manipulative mother, mooching siblings, or cousins that will call and ask for bail.
4. Being concerned about the genetic health of my posterity, what were (are) the ages of your grandparents and what did they (probably will) die from? Is there strong male pattern baldness in you family? Is there any history of dementia?
5. Have you ever been incarcerated? If yes, for how long and did you get any tattoos?
6. Do you like spending too much money? Do you ever use the phrase, “I deserve this.”
7. Does your definition of cooking involve a microwave?
8. Do you think I’m HOT? If so, how many other men do you find equally HOT?

Anyway, if she answers these questions to your satisfaction, you’re in love! Good luck making up for the rotten start of your first date! You can rest assured she’ll be telling the story on her 50th wedding anniversary (with you or with someone else).

Dr. Doctor Pokorny

DodoEggs.com’s Annual Financial Report
Summary for Year Ending 2008

Dear Shareholders,

Before we discuss the stock dividends this year, I’d personally like to apologize for the way our stockholder Christmas party ended this year. Yes, our executives know the difference between Milk of Magnesia and eggnog! (A pimply faced kid at the grocery store told Eugene that Milk of Magnesia is what Canadians call eggnog. Darn Canadians!) I swear next year we will solve the problem by having three port-a-potties in each hall.

I’m also sorry about the live music. I booked the party a little late and “Fecal Stain” was the only band left available. I was hoping they were a rhythm and blues group. Apparently they were not. At least we all learned a few new uses for the word %&^*^%^.

Now on to the %&^*^%^ numbers.

Sincerely, ChiefDodo

Income:

Advertising Revenue – We’ve had several prominent sponsors pull out. Iranian Tourism Commission rescinded their interest after we quit allowing them to use our server to mass email bomb threats. Then our deal with WhatYouWillLookLikeOld.com, a neat website that ages pictures you want to submit, went dead.

Income = Roughly Nothing.

Expenses:

Employee Compensation - Due our industry leading turnover rate, we’ve been able to almost eliminate pension payments and management for retirement funds! This doesn’t happen without a fully funded CEO.

Expenditures = A whole lot. (But it could be more.)

Office Supplies - Employees drive their own cars to work and employees work in their own clothes. This is nothing unusual and at DodoEggs.com it isn’t unusual to bring your own pen and makeshift cubical walls.

Expenditures = $6.32

Lease on the Manhattan high rise- The check I wrote bounced so technically…

Expenditures = $0.00

Advertising – I told all my relatives that winning lottery numbers were secretly imbedded into each and every post. Now my out-of-work cousin checks every couple of minutes. In a stroke of genius, I also made use of our association with the dodo bird so I took out full-page ad in Audubon Digest.

Expenditures = $54.49

Operating Expenses – This is where I dumped all the rest of the costs including the Christmas party. (You’re welcome!) Since I’ve dumped Morse code for texting, I haven’t had a lot of time for oversight. (My BFF said being stingy was d-u-m.) Now I just leave this account open for any employee. Corruption and abuse beat our projections!

Expenditures = Honestly I’m afraid to look… probably around a $100 dollars.

If you’re running the numbers on your abacas at home, you’ve already discovered that there won’t be any dividends on your stocks this year. Oh yea, we’re also running out of paper so this will also serve as your official Christmas 2009 Stockholder’s Party invitation as well. Please RSVP before December 10th.