Dodo Eggs

Today is The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior Day and I have one big question…How am I supposed to celebrate?  Most other holidays come with directions.  For instance, on Thanksgiving everyone is supposed to gather and give thanks for the sins of gluttony and laziness.  Wear green on St. Patrick’s Day.  Fly your Confederate flag on Flag Day.  And on Labor Day do the opposite.  But I have no idea how to celebrate The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior Day.

Well, maybe I do.  Here’s my schedule of events…

12:00 Midnight to 7:00 AM  – The Official “I Have A Dream” Sleep In.  Grabbing some extra ZZZZZs is the hallmark of any good holiday.

7:00 AM to 9:00 AM – Enjoy a bowl of Coco-Puffs and skim milk.  Appreciate the way two foodstuffs of different colors and origins come together to create something new and harmonious…chocolate milk.

9:00AM to 11:00AM – Ponder the oddity of someone who needs SIX words to complete his formal name (seven if you count THE).  His name was The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior.  Compare it to one of his contemporaries who was much more efficient with his monikers…Elvis.

11:00 AM to 12:00 PM – Enjoy a bowl of vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.  Let your brain freeze with the symbolism.

12:00PM to 4:00PM – Participate in a “Sanitation Strike.”  Refuse to do any chores regardless of your spouse’s nagging until you receive proper compensation.  Make signs that say, “Housework is Woman’s Work” and prop it against your recliner.  

They may come from different cans but the pot treats them both the same.

4:00PM to 6:00PM – Begin humming the old pop song “Ebony and Ivory.”  This activity may beyond 6:00 because it’s scientifically impossible to get the darn thing out of your head.

6:00PM to 12:00 Midnight – Finish your day by avoiding any conversational topic that has anything to do with race.  These conversations boil down to everyone sounding enlightened and pretending to be open-minded.  Every sentence begins with the dreaded, “I think…” or it’s evil twin brother, “Well, I think…”  Guess what, I don’t care.

Extra Note:  Do you realize that TRDMLKJ Day is the only day on the calendar that honors just one specific person!?  Washington (father of our country) and Lincoln (sustainer of our country) had to TEAM up just to cobble together President’s Day.  I’m all for giving due to folks who made a difference in our history but…

If you want to honor those who were involved in the Civil Right’s Movement, then it should be called Civil Rights Day or something drastically catchier and if it happens to fall on the effort’s most famous leader than so be it.

• Depression’s Big Day
• He’s Not Sane, He’s My Brother
• Coco Intolerance
• Developmental Item
• The Sweet Find