Stockholder’s Statement – 2008
DodoEggs.com’s Annual Financial Report
Summary for Year Ending 2008
Dear Shareholders,
Before we discuss the stock dividends this year, I’d personally like to apologize for the way our stockholder Christmas party ended this year. Yes, our executives know the difference between Milk of Magnesia and eggnog! (A pimply faced kid at the grocery store told Eugene that Milk of Magnesia is what Canadians call eggnog. Darn Canadians!) I swear next year we will solve the problem by having three port-a-potties in each hall.
I’m also sorry about the live music. I booked the party a little late and “Fecal Stain” was the only band left available. I was hoping they were a rhythm and blues group. Apparently they were not. At least we all learned a few new uses for the word %&^*^%^.
Now on to the %&^*^%^ numbers.
Sincerely, ChiefDodo
Income:
Advertising Revenue – We’ve had several prominent sponsors pull out. Iranian Tourism Commission rescinded their interest after we quit allowing them to use our server to mass email bomb threats. Then our deal with WhatYouWillLookLikeOld.com, a neat website that ages pictures you want to submit, went dead.
Income = Roughly Nothing.
Expenses:
Employee Compensation - Due our industry leading turnover rate, we’ve been able to almost eliminate pension payments and management for retirement funds! This doesn’t happen without a fully funded CEO.
Expenditures = A whole lot. (But it could be more.)
Office Supplies - Employees drive their own cars to work and employees work in their own clothes. This is nothing unusual and at DodoEggs.com it isn’t unusual to bring your own pen and makeshift cubical walls.
Expenditures = $6.32
Lease on the Manhattan high rise- The check I wrote bounced so technically…
Expenditures = $0.00
Advertising – I told all my relatives that winning lottery numbers were secretly imbedded into each and every post. Now my out-of-work cousin checks every couple of minutes. In a stroke of genius, I also made use of our association with the dodo bird so I took out full-page ad in Audubon Digest.
Expenditures = $54.49
Operating Expenses – This is where I dumped all the rest of the costs including the Christmas party. (You’re welcome!) Since I’ve dumped Morse code for texting, I haven’t had a lot of time for oversight. (My BFF said being stingy was d-u-m.) Now I just leave this account open for any employee. Corruption and abuse beat our projections!
Expenditures = Honestly I’m afraid to look… probably around a $100 dollars.
If you’re running the numbers on your abacas at home, you’ve already discovered that there won’t be any dividends on your stocks this year. Oh yea, we’re also running out of paper so this will also serve as your official Christmas 2009 Stockholder’s Party invitation as well. Please RSVP before December 10th.
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