The Sweet Find
I’m sitting in the church’s back room. The room smells musty and it’s a little cramped. There are boxes of Sunday school materials, TV carts, old books on old topics, and a podium still smoking from its near misses with fire and brimstone. Oh, yea, and a huge gray tub of old Halloween candy.
There’s no one in the room with me. I’m completely alone. The box beckons and I become entranced by its corn syrup call.
I open the box by gently sliding the gray lid aside. I don’t take it off (that would be too obtrusive). The sea of candy forms a kaleidoscope of alluring colors. So many choices! I reach in and begin sifting through before coming to some quick conclusions.
*Who eats Now & Later!? Add water and it becomes an adhesive strong enough to hold your dentures in! Or pull them out! There are other fruity or taffy options. Pick one now and then later.
*Bottle Caps are poorly designed. Just like the soda at the DodoEggs.com Manhattan Headquarters it’s flat the second it touches your tongue. Why don’t they make them with the same pop / fizzzzz technology they use in Pop Rocks? Think about it… “Bottle Caps, now with Fizz!” It might make the candy relevant again.
*Tootsie Pops are great! But why do they sometimes develop such a sharp edge? I’ve bled after eating one before! I’ve even heard of a guy in Manhattan mugging a couple with a particularly jagged Tootsie Pop. You’d better be careful sucker!
*Why would you eat a Tootsie Roll when real chocolate is available? No, really, why?
*Also, do you think Nerds could spruce up Grape Nuts cereal? They have the exact same consistency.
*Do remember the 3,545,368 scenes in cartoons where the character slips on a banana peel? This really doesn’t happen but you know what could work? If you spilt a couple small boxes of those sugar coated ball bearings, it might slip someone up.
*Who would win a brawl between a bag of M&Ms, Skittles, and a Box of Milk Duds?p>
One thing I don’t find in the tub is any real chocolate. Ten minutes pass and I’m still tossing waves of sugar candy around the tub looking for chocolate.
A moment later, Mrs. Teply waltzes in, “Oh, there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you…and look what you’ve found!”
She reaches in and immediately pulls out a Milky Way.
December 17th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I like every single one of those candies. so stick it, or something.
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Hey, only a woman can locate the last piece of chocolate in a tub full of worthless hard candy!!!!!!!