Dodo Eggs

As my great-grandfather used to say, “Some folk are born to the quill, others learn to love it, and some should put it back in the bird.” 

The following is an ACTUAL book report one of my friends wrote when he was in high school.  I think it’s on a Louis L’Amour book named Callaghen.  He wanted me to proof read it before he turned it in to be graded.  I wound up writing RETURN TO WRITER, UNREADABLE AVALANCHE OF ERRORS across the top and making copies for all my other friends to enjoy.  With the advent of the Internet, everyone can enjoy the following masterpiece.

Listen, just read it and picture a uncomfortable 15 year old standing in front if a class and reading this aloud with a trembling voice.

Callaghen 
Shakespeare’s Evil Twin Brother, Eugene  (Name Changed)
Period Four
Mr. Herbert
Reading   

A barren desert, blazing hot, dry and parched.  A meager detachment stationed smack dab in the middle of it, fighting the elements to survive, but also the natives.

A major who is still wet behind the ears, attempts to lead a small party of cavalry on a scouting mission, in the middle of nowhere.  They are suddenly attacked by the native Indians.  The green major is killed and two regulars are torn limb from limb.  But from the attack sprouts a young Irishman by the name of Callaghen, who failed to get nipped in the bud.  He fends off the Indians, gets the troops to water, leads them back to the post, is promoted to Sergeant, and writes a letter to this one girl who he has only loved.

The Post’s leading officer gets transferred and a new commander by the name of Sykes, takes command.  Sykes is from Wyoming.  Callaghen and Commander Sykes know each other.  From a previous engagement in which Callaghen was demoted for fighting, and for being an Irishmen.  Sykes hates all Irish, but Callaghen too.

While Calleghan, our hero, is remaining at the post, which is immobile, he awaits his release papers, which he needs, from the Army, but what he does not know, is that Sykes, a madman, has his release forms, all signed and everything, but choosing, by his own will, to wait until he gets some use, for evil things, out of Callaghen, who is waiting for the release papers, which are held by Sykes.

Meanwhile a stagecoach arrives with the only girl Callaghen has ever loved.  Then his mother, who is almost six thousand miles away, dies.  Back at the fort, the next day Callaghen is sent out on a scout mission with twelve others.

The troop crosses the trail of several bands of Indians on their way to a rendezvous.

In the distance, a moving cloud of dust was spotted.  Callaghen notices the cloud of dust is shaped like his one and only true love, who usually wears tanned hides, and the dust, which was spotted, too.

The troop, who are now dirty, goes to investigate but is ambushed.  Callaghen manages to sneak away while the troop fends off the Indians.  The stage is rescued by Callaghen, who feels better, and talked to the cavalry stage post where they wait for several days, played and drank.  Fending off Indians, the stage, which was tired, slips away in the middle of the night and escapes but is attacked by a couple of deserters.  Callaghen rescues the troop, hot and tired, that got ambushed chasing the stage, and he also rescues the passengers from the stage.

Callaghen receives his release papers, now happy, and settles down with his one and only true love, and also has a new horse.  The End.

PS Give me an A Mr. Herbert, I really red the book this time!

(Ok, so I added the PS.)

• Cupid Correction
• More Dodo Love
• Laying A Dodo Egg
• Three Knights (III)
• Do-For-Yourself Selfishness