Dodo Eggs

The professor stood in the middle of the amphitheater’s belly.  Layers of seating each one a few feet above the other surrounded him.  In each seat, a graduate student looked on with stern expressions.  This was an important lecture, a cornerstone in the tower of their expertise. 

Each student was a candidate for an advanced degree in psychiatry.  Before their instructor, an open human skull sat on the table.  A few of its mechanical portions were already spread across the examination table.

“And you can see that this is the brain of the young adult male by the cylindrical, sexual drive.  All the cables that carry the thinking processes run directly through it.  Attempts to route male thinking around this device have thus far failed.“ 

The professor snipped the thick cords that emerged from both ends.  He wore thick, thermal gloves.  “Be careful when working with this device as it usually stays very hot.  Of course, we need to remove it to get to any of the other workings.”

An overhead on the far wall, exaggerated the professor’s work.  The gentle scratch of moving pencils was the only other noise.

“Ahem, yes, and here is the famed common sense comptroller.”  He held up a clumsy looking silicon panel.  “As you can see, there are very few relays on this meager circuit.  It is located just behind the eyes because it is believed to be solar powered.  Thus, we notice unusually bad judgment whenever the sun goes down.  Keep that in mind.”

A slight chortle skips through the students.   

“Here we go, the central processor!“  He pulled out a black disc just a bit smaller than a hockey puck.  With a trained twist of his screwdriver, the instructor removed the glossy black cover.  Inside was an immensely complicated weave of thin multi-colored wires.

“We could easily spend the next twelve years discussing what each of these wires does, however I’d like to focus our examination on these two gray wires right here.“ 

He held up a laser pointer and planted the shaking red dot on two wires near the center.  “Until recently we had no idea what these did.  However, I believe my team and I have finally divulged their actual purpose and it isn’t good.

Apparently, these channel thoughts that encourage others to perform the same evil that you perform.“ 

The professor stopped to take a sip of water.  “For instance, you don’t plan on studying for an important exam.  What happens when you see some of your fellow students in the dorm that night?  You encourage them to play basketball or anything else but do the right thing.”

A student near the front raises their hand.  “Professor, that idea is in direct violation of the Law of Guilt Mechanism which states, ‘All cognition of evil action must be routed to the guilt mechanism for processing even if the mechanism has been rendered inoperative.”

“Yes, yes, I know but apparently this wire actually circumvents and in some cases lessens the workings of the guilt mechanism.”

Another student asks, “Where do the wires lead?”

“The pleasure centers of all things.”

Short gasps escape from some of the students.

The instructor continues, “Its seems that encouraging others to do the same evil one performs themselves brings a slight sensation of pleasure.

Does one drink too much?  They usually have no qualm about sharing a drink with another even if they’re underage. 

Going to strip clubs when you know you shouldn’t?  Take comfort in that others accompany you!  In fact, invite a few friends.”

One of the observers from the top row raises her hand and says, “So your telling us that instead of feeling guilty over their own actions, they are actively encouraging and praising others who join with them?”

The professor brought the laser pointer down on the hair thick wires again.  “Yes, these go around the guilt mechanism but don’t seem to run directly through it.  We don’t know how to rework this poor construction as is is apparently common to all models.”

“Amazing professor!  What is your next project?“ 

The older man chuckled a bit.  “Well, trying to find a way to filter the adult male’s exhaust.  We are still no closer to a cure.  I’m still looking for grad students to assist me.  Any volunteers?“

• Eavesdropping
• Professor Hurlbert Interview
• “Holy Toes”
• Do-For-Yourself Selfishness
• Male Studies – Letter 12, Page 1