Dodo Eggs

There aren’t too many things better for a middle-aged man’s ego than when PYTs (Pretty Young Things) look at him and giggle.  (I mean that is the positive sense, of course.)  They may look a bit too long and the brave ones may even wave.

It seems unlikely but this has happened to me before.  Being married, how am I to react?  Disgust?  Confusion?  Giddiness?  I wind up giving them a flat smile and go back about my business.     

(Sometimes I would casually mention these encounters around Mrs. Teply.  I would smile, chuckle a bit, and raise my eyebrows.  This is why I’ve never bothered to take an IQ test.  Anyone stupid as I am would be profoundly disappointed with the results.  Egad!)

During this last summer, a couple of PYTs were sitting in chairs near the edge of the shallow pool.  I was on the stand nearby watching dutifully over the lives of small children.  I knew they were sitting there but I wasn’t paying them any sort of special attention.  When the rotation finally came around, Rachel took the rescue tube from me and waited for me to hop down.

“Hey, Mr. T” She whispered.  “Those girls over next to the shallow zone are really checking you out.”

“Thank you Rachel.  And how should his affect my behavior?”

Rachel took on a nonchalant expression.  “Well, I don’t know.  I’m just telling you because I thought you’d want to know.”

The knowledge did change my behavior a bit.  Instead of my casual, lackluster saunter back to the guardroom, I used my trusty straight posture, commanding stride.  There’s a difference but you may only notice if you were an aficionado.

Another twenty minutes and the rotation returned Rachel to the guardroom.  “My my Mr. T, I noticed you used your patented constipated, purposeful pace on the way back to the guardroom.  I think they were watching you.”

“Alright, you caught me straightening my posture, big deal.”

“Are you going to walk by again?  I’d kind of like to see your gritty, stoic amputee.  Yea, I’d bet those girls would like that too.”

“No,” I replied.  “In fact, I think I’ll but an end to all this right now.”  Then I raised my voice to gather the attention of the other guards (mostly female).  ”There’s an easy way to dump cold water on this whole deal.  Are you ready?”

“Go ahead, Mr. T.”  Rachel replied.

“Then think about this.  I’m closer in age to forty than I am twenty.”

For females who hadn’t graduated from high school or were only a couple of years into college (that being everyone within earshot), “forty” equated to “old man.” 

The looks on Rachel and the other’s faces changed instantly.  It looked as if they were fitting me for a coffin.  “Boy Mr. T, you’re sure right about the cold water thing.”

• Entertaining Problems
• Thankfulness
• Let The Children Come & Come & Come…
• Throw Out The Ab-Blaster!!
• Interview with WAYS