Dodo Eggs

Morning arrives at the household of Nathan Teply.  Bare-chested and unshaven, he wanders into the kitchen at the same time as his older brother Matt.  Nate pulls the milk out and a couple of spoons while Matt struggles to find the cabinet that keeps the bowls. 

Nate looks on amused by Matt’s fruitless search.  “Hey dummy, there right over there.  Yea, right there.  Way to go genius.”

Matt lets the bowls drop onto the countertop a little extra hard.  “You realize you just called me stupid and smart in the same breath.”

“But the sarcasm is all the same dude.”

The cereal (New!  Sugar Coated Colon Flow!) and milk are poured.  Nate’s bowl is a heaping mound of dry flakes with a “ditch” dug into the edge facing his chest.  Milk pools at the bottom completely overwhelmed by the three-inch pile of flakes.  Matt pours a small, level bowl of cereal then drowns it in milk.

Matt comes to a quick and sure conclusion.  “You’re eating that wrong.”

Nate replies through a mouth full of rearragning flakes.  “The only wrong here (crunch) was mom leaving the hospital with you.”

“No, look, cereal needs milk.  I pour (slurp) a small bowl so that I can go back and pour another small bowl later (munch).  That way my bran flakes stay crunchy.  You know, it’s kind of like making substations half way through the game.”

A bead of milk escapes down Nate’s chin.  “That’s stupid.  I get all the cereal I need.  I can tip my bowl (crunch) and get all the milk I want as well.  It’s like getting a fresh bowl with every spoonful.  I don’t need to go back to the kitchen three times to get all the cereal I want.”

Both men let the matter drop to concentrate on their breakfasts.  Except for the rabid crunching everything became quiet. 

Finally Matt blurts out, “Oh, I forgot to ask how much mom spent on your Christmas present last year?”

“I don’t know.  Why are you asking?”

“Well, I’m averaging all of our siblings gifts for the last five years to find out who mom’s favorite child is.  So, how much was spent on you last year?”

Nate looked frustrated.  “Man, you have got to me kidding me!  Fine, she bought us a new mattress and box springs.  That’s about four hundred dollars.  But you’re going about this all wrong.  If you really want to know where you rank, you should check out their will.”

“I would but mom and dad have never shown it to me.”

Nate’s eyes filled with mock surprise. “Really?  Wow, I’ve seen it three times.”  He paused.  “I guess that answers that question.”

• Interview with Matt Smith
• The Outhouse
• Say What?
• Little Black Book
• Eavesdropping