Dodo Eggs

During my free time, I enjoy working as a lifeguard for the parks department in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. I am affectionately known as “the oldest guard in human history” and the “rusty whistle.” In fact, every year the Aquatics coordinator calls the Red Cross to make sure that my age does not disqualify me for regular service as a lifeguard. He thinks it’s funny.

But don’t worry for me, I have ways of taking my revenge and it has nothing to do with living well or turning the other cheek. I’m not sure whether it’s my rock solid credibility or maybe just a convincing delivery but I could convince some of the younger folks I work with of just about anything.

Here’s one of my favorite stories and yes, I’ve convinced many of our younger generation that it was true if only for a moment or two.

Here’s how I begin, “Back in the good old days, when I was born things were nothing like they are now. My parents were very young and had basically no money. When I was just an infant, my mother would feed me things that she thought were safe for a young babies like raisons and nuts. Of course, most of my teeth hadn’t come through so I couldn’t really chew any of it. The nuts I simply choked on until she quit feeding them to me. You must remember, she was very young and didn’t really know what she was doing.

I tighten my lips a bit and knit my brow. ”

“Geeesh, that’s nothing.” I roll my eyes a bit and shrug. “Now remember my mother was poor and didn’t have a lot of money so I wore whatever she had available. Sometimes it was even girl’s clothes. Heck, as a baby what’s the difference in appearance between boys and girls right? Anyway, a few times I went to the grocery store in a dress or whatever was clean. Some of the shoppers would wander up and compliment my mother on having such a pretty girl.”

I worry about out young folks. If they fall for my stories, what else is their judgment succumbing to?

• Depression’s Big Day
• Dodo Egg or Turkey Scratch
• …Old…Fashioned
• Failing Parents
• Mr. Big