Dodo Eggs

Hello!  Welcome to the next chapter our deeply instructional Guide to Becoming a Television Executive.  With all the know-how you’ll receive in these pages, you’ll be able to make decisions on how millions of human beings will squander what little family time they have (Hey, at least they’re not fighting right?).  You’ll be looked to and admired for warping the perception of reality for an entire generation!  Let’s get started right away!

Chapter One – The Art of the Drama
Part Two – Installing Love

Now that we’ve covered the basics for crafting your nauseating, prefab drama (see Setting Your Drama), you’re ready to add the zest that will bring your viewers back again and again.  What I’m referring to is love in its many varied and fascinating flavors!  This “Love Level” in your drama should be central to any plot arc.  Remember, love comes in so many forms that you can even use two or three at a time. 

Here is a good way to illustrate this point.  People like Love the same way they enjoy soft drinks.  You will satisfy most, but not everyone, with the rich, sugary sweet taste of regular cola.  Some want the will want the tart feel of citrus while another group will yearn for the bombastic, forbidden flare of root beer.  Make sure your drama has the feel of a leaky soda fountain.

Let’s examine the ten different “flavors” you can use to bolster your Love Level.

Healthy Love – This is rating poison!  We cannot stress this enough!  Do not incorporate a fulfilling, happy relationship between a man and a woman. 

Love Triangle – “Who will she choose, the spoiled, wealthy, young man with the manipulative parents or the passionate artist with rough friends and a substance abuse problem?”  This works every time just be sure your main character isn’t smart enough to date people without issues.

One Sided Love – One of the best-worn lines in drama history is some form of, “You never call!” or “I never get to see you!”  Your viewers will feel like sages as they calmly tell their TV screens to “Forget about him.”

Tragic Love – This love is a bit more complicated and not recommended if your drama is less than two years old.  This is the tragic result of some other form of love that didn’t end perfectly.  (And it shouldn’t.  Save all that for the series finale when everyone will find love or die in a plane crash.  Those are basically your two options.)

Biracial / Gay Love - This is the way to go if you intend on winning any awards.  Judges insist on things that challenge cultural norms.  We aren’t kidding.  The first three criteria on the judge’s forms are…1) Does it challenge cultural norms?  2) Does it tackle thorny social issues?  3) Does it take a proper stand on topics that Hollywood approves?  By the way…4) Is it well written?  5) Do normal viewers enjoy watching it?

Bi-Species Affair? An Emmy for sure!

Erotic Love - Are your ratings sagging a bit?  Have your lead actress get her face and chest lifted then show as much of it as possible.  Use half-second shots from these scenes in your promotions and you’ll be on at least an extra year.  Make it extra-marital and earn two seasons. 

Age Differential Love - This generally works best with the older woman – younger man dynamic.  (Otherwise, you create the “dirty old man” reaction with women or “that lucky jerk” reaction with the men.  Neither of these are too helpful.)  Make sure the female character feels beaten up and worn out.  Then have an attractive young man stare at her a bit too long and (Whamo!) you’ve created “He’s just in it for the quick hit / No, he really loves her” debate with everyone watching.
 
Unhealthy Love- Like a serving of vegetables, you need to include at least one helping of this sobering type.  The circumstances may differ according to how your writers do it but if your audience isn’t shouting, “Leave HIM, HER, IT!”  Then you’re not doing it right.

Jealous Love – Stalker…lonely best friend…overfriendly coworker…Jealously is almost synonymous with drama!  If you don’t have at least three characters jealous of someone else, then your playing with fire.   

Impossible Love – POW!  Now this is ratings gold!  An entire segment of the movie industry, the romantic-comedy genre, has persisted by putting love-starved people in situations were their love can never be fulfilled.  Get viewers to start cheering for an outcome.  Once the audience has bought in, you’re set!  This is a must have for any drama!

• Loving the Drama – LAB
• Setting Your Drama
• Constructing the Drama (1)
• Drama Mama
• Romantic Classifieds