Dodo Eggs

A few years after Mom and Dad Teply split, my Mom was living in an apartment situated on North Dakota’s backside.  Brothers and sister Teply lived with her and during the summer months we would be accompanied by our favorite cousin, a rapscallion named Dustin.  It was cramped, a little too cozy, and whole lot of fun.

Dustin had a quick wit and the good-natured feel for people.  That he ignored the consequences of his actions made him good company.   Unless of course, you were responsible for his well being.  It was always my secret opinion that Aunt Kohnen would snicker a bit as she slid Dustin’s rear into the backseat with Mom’s children then whistled a cheery tune as Mom drove away.

The phrase, “Selling sand to a sheik”doesn’t begin to describe the way Dustin would sell the brothers Teply on dumb ideas.  Here’s a sample off the top of my head and please keep in mind, Dustin invested most of his grand schemes on my younger brothers.

I remember…“Hey, you’ve got a girl hamster in this cage and a boy over here.  What do you suppose would happen if we let them meet?”

Then there was…“Yea, I’m doing tattoos now.  How about I practice on your arm?  It’ll look really cool.  No, I swear it will.”

And how could I forget…“The only useful thing about areosol cans is how they throw flames when you light a match then spray.  It fries the wings off hornets.  Hey, isn’t there a wasp nest in behind your house?”  

And believe me, I don’t know the half of it.

One of the funniest memories I have (and it’s hard to explain why) is the night Dustin, his brother Mark, and the brothers Teply were sleeping over at (I think it was) a hotel.  The adults had foolishly left these near adolescents alone. 

Dustin quickly produced a set of electric hair sheers. 

“Hey Mark,” Dustin already had it plugged in.  “Mark, how about I give you a hair cut.  You know it can’t be that hard with this guard.  And I can switch guards to give you different lengths.”

Strangely, I don’t remember the details of what happened next but I do remember Mark being presented to the adults with an inch and a half swath of scalp above Mark’s left eye to his right ear was reduced to peach fuzz.  Mark’s new, perfectly geometric bald spot and the screwed up scowl on his face is an image I’ll never forget.

“Now I can drive my Matchbox cars over your head without the wheels getting caught in all your hair.”

Dustin’s career in hair styling eventually came to an end but not on that evening.  Before he was done, several of his unfortunate guinea pigs experienced sudden hair loss as well.  No one was surprised. 

All this makes one wonder if everyone’s favorite cousin ever had an impulse he didn’t like.

Note:  Teply family…BookOfSaul.com is being worked on today and tomorrow.  There isn’t much on there at the moment but come back during the next couple of days to check up on the “Wonder Child.”

• “Grandma Dollar”
• The Outhouse
• The-Been-Long-Wed Game
• Tough Choices
• Collection Compulsion