Dodo Eggs

From:
The Corporate Offices of Chronic Copier Inc.
54321 KaBoom Street
Esss OL, $%!&*

To:
Chief Dodo

Tight Wad Office Manager
DodoEggs.com Industries
Manhattan NY, 10004

We at Chronic Copier would like to thank you for recent purchase of our latest, convenience-riddled copier, the Drunken Scribe 2000.  At Chronic Copier, we always provide our customers with our No-Fault guarantee!  If the copier breaks, it’s not our fault and that’s twenty-four hours a day seven days a week! 

In addition to that generous policy, we also offer a free, introductory enrollment into Project DoOver.  When you enroll, we promise to use a small portion of your purchasing dollars to fixing the DS 2000’s inherent design flaws.  These are built RIGHT IN to all our products so that the frequency of service calls with allow your secretary and our service provides to develop a stronger professional relationship!  This is a good thing and can be listed in italics on any year-end report.  (Sorry, at this time we are experiencing abnormally high professional dialogue.)

Also remember if you choose to participate in Project DoOver the DS 2000’s promised savings in paper and ink may not be met, as your employees will be able to make their copies with a reckless amount of ease.  Business studies have shown that the DS 2000’s specific design flaws MAXIMISE the savings from endless, useless copies.  If you allow the DS 2000 to function on its own, it will keep your bottom line from bending under the weight of excess paper and ink!

We offer other features completely unique to the Drunken Scribe 2000!  Instead of a paper tray for bothersome legal sized paper, the DS2000 offers a three speaker sound system programmed to play soothing melodies to calm your employees.  This is especially helpful whenever the dreaded error code B129 flashes on the display panel.  (See your three-inch thick owners manual for more information.  We now offer all owners’ manuals in Swahili!)

At Chronic Copier, we didn’t stop there.  The cumbersome paper trays have been removed to allow space for our latest convenience…the change maker.  Now your employees can easily find change for the nearby vending machine while contemplating the wonders of error code G 732! 

We at Chronic Copier would again like to thank your cooperation for purchasing the Drunken Scribe 2000.  We hope you are as happy with it as we were to get rid of that piece of &@#.

• Staff Memo – Expense Accounts
• Staff Memo – Coorporate Communications
• Stockholder’s Statement – 2008
• Resume for Matt Teply
• Honorary Pomp