“Holy Toes”
“So you and your friends are sitting around pop’na brew…”
Those are the words I most closely associate with my first year of college and they didn’t come from another student. No, those awe-inspiring words are the product of my federal government professor. This was a man who was obviously in grad school the semester before and had yet to shake off the hangover.
Professor Lee-bert (his actual name although I have played with the spelling a bit.) was a tall man who filled out his clothes as if he were made of marshmallows. His tight jeans, button up shirts, and cowboy boots forced everyone to wonder how a professor could invest at least six years into higher education and still miss every fashion rule to float down the pike. His mullet was legendary in the sense that he made it look bad BEFORE everyone else began casting scorn on the hairstyle.
Needless to say, I wanted my picture taken with the man. Everyday.
“So you and your friends are sitting around popn’a brew…”
Lee-bert understood that a simple maxim wouldn’t be enough to properly convey his grand vision. To that end, he would deliver his patented line by pointing both index fingers at the students, cinching his arms up like chicken wings, and giving his shoulders a disjointed shake. It drove the point home EVERYTIME.
“Oh, I get it now, so what he was saying is that me AND MY FRIENDS, are sitting around and wait, that’s right we were POPPIN’ some brews. Ok, great. Now I’m ready for Quantum Mechanics.”
I would be remiss without stressing the dynamic nature of Lee-bert’s cowboy boots. So grand was this footwear that we gave Lee-bert the unofficial first name of “Holy Toes.” Only the sweaty toes of this visionary educator are worthy of boots that curled up at the front like elf shoes with wing tips. A bad hem job on his high water pants barely shrouded the stitched designs. Add the two-inch heels and turquoise dyed leather and it’s little wonder we idolized him.
As he was saying, “So, you and your friends are sitting around popn’a few brews… (While shopping for boots)”
I may not pop brews but I’ll always raise a frosty root beer in your honor, Holy Toes Lee-bert.
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:07 am
I’m saddened to report that Lee-bert is no longer with our alma mater.