Dodo Eggs

What makes an interesting post?  Blog “experts” suggest ranked lists, inflammatory opinions, information that strongly relates to the reader, and a bit of humor.  To this end, I am now presenting to you the three hundred pound, unshaven mother of all blog posts…

Top 10 Things I Absolutely Hate About You With Humorous Explanations! 

10. Themed Ties- Fashion is at least three times easier for men than it is for women and yet some of you dumbknuckles can’t seem to get it right.  Brown dress pants (check), oxford button down (check), tie with condiments as the theme (check).  Hey pal, you should see my Hellmann’s Mayonnaise tie!  It’s awesome!

9. Gangsta, Boom-thump Music- I let my brother borrow my car and the next time I drove it all my radio presets were set to this gangsta-thump music.  It wasn’t funny and now we don’t speak to each other. 

Folks, this stuff absolutely sucks!  Eleven out of ten of these “artists” couldn’t read the instructions to Chutes and Ladders much less a sheet of music.  Say what you want about rock or country but at least they know how to play an instrument.

8. Driving A Hummer- You realize this vehicle was designed with military applications in mind right?  Are you planning on invading Canada anytime soon?  Well, I’ve got bad news for you…you’ll run out of gas (or money for gas) before you get there.

7. Computer Help Menus – Is there any doubt that this is what software companies send the rookie programmers to do?  If you are at all responsible for these menus, then you should know that I despise you. 

“Yea, we just hired the new guy from India.  He doesn’t speak English very well but he’s got a programming degree.” 

Supervisor responds, “Fine, have him do the help menu.”

6. Drivers That Ride My Bumper In The Slow Lane-By the way, my car is ten years old and the only way I’m getting any money out of it is to screw your insurance company.  If I see a squirrel come anywhere close to this road I’m slamming on my brakes.  All I have to do is wear a neck brace for a couple of months and I’m collecting a big fat check. 

5. (Oh, yea.  Here’s another thing blog “experts” will tell you.  “Hook them with something for the next day.”)

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