Dodo Eggs

In order to better understand the “larval” stage of male development, we have hired a female student named Sally Gruntsky to date Binko.  Miss Gruntsky has just returned from a six-month field study of the lowland gorilla and feels comfortable with too much hair and bad posture.

5:58 PM- Binko shows up at Yukon Hall, one of the girls dormitories. (Note:  This is not Miss Gruntsky’s real place of residence).  Binko is wearing his characteristic black band shirt.  He has not only tucked in his shirt but has also stuffed his long ponytail into his collar.

6:01 PM – Binko greets Sally with a plastic flowers.  He adds, “These will last forever.  Much like our love surly will.”  Sally retreats to the kitchen alone to “put them in water” and shake off the creepy feeling.

6:14 PM – “I have no car.” Binko informs his date.  “So I thought we’d stroll down to the restaurant.”   The “stroll” involves a five-mile march through the busy commercial district and a life threatening scamper across six lanes of interstate 666.  Miss Gruntsky is in short heels.

7:36 PM – Once they are seated, Binko uses napkins to stem the bleeding in Miss Gruntsky’s foot.

7:43 PM -   Binko admits he has no job except his band, “Fecal Stain.”  Boasts they have three Bar Mitzvahs booked for next month.  The look of disgust on Miss Gruntsky’s face appears permanent.

7:45 PM- Miss Gruntsky recovers after Binko reveals his mother’s credit card. 

7:49 PM – Miss Gruntsky orders a one pound unicorn steak cooked medium well with a side of scrambled dodo eggs.

7:50 PM – Binko orders a gourmet hot dog. 

“It sounds fancy.” Binko quipped.

8:11 PM – Binko is disappointed.

8: 32 PM – Miss Gruntsky attempts to rub away her headache after Binko begins humming his band’s most popular song.  Binko admits he messed it up and starts over and over and over. 

“Humming can be hard for a musician if you don’t practice much.”  Binko admits.  

8:46 PM – Miss Gruntsky asks for a taxi.  She tells Binko she needs to wash her hair.

8:46 ½ PM – Binko asks if she could wash his too.

8:55 PM – Miss Gruntsky considers fleeing but cannot with her mangled feet.

9:00 PM- Miss Guntsky offers Binko a half hour in the howler monkey environment if he takes her home.  Apparently, Miss Gruntsky has the necessary connections at the zoo. 

Binko considers it then agrees and calls a taxi.  The name of their title track he tried to hum is called “Monkey Poo.”  Binko sees endless promotional uses if he can collect genuine primate dung.    

“The monkeys will be taken out of course.  We’ll be cleaning the habitat.”  Miss Gruntsky admits. 

“We’ll have the tranquilizer guns ready anyway.”

• Male Studies Letter 12, Page 3
• Male Studies – Letter 12, Page 1
• Male Studies (Letter 3)
• Male Studies – Letter 7
• Male Studies – Letter 8