Staff Memo – Pot Lucks
This is DodoEggs.com
Recently discovered to be the geographical center of the Internet!
Dear Employees,
Our cooperate headquarters was recently notified that the New York Department of Health has issued our Manhattan office building almost one hundred citations! The multiple violations stem from an inspection done on the same day as one of our weekly potlucks. Darn the luck!
To avoid being immediately shut down, I promised to teach the inspectors how change lead into gold. (Attn Eugene: Get to work on this immediately.) Nevertheless, I am forced to address several serious issues.
We know someone in Advertising is buying up the uneaten portions from the previous week, throwing them into a bowl, and calling it “Second Youth Medley Deluxe.” Well, that is going over almost as well as your new ad slogan, “DodoEggs.com - Read Secrets of the Ancient Dodo before it killed itself.” For the sixtieth time, being extinct does not mean the bird killed itself!
Also, I am informing Human Resources that they are no longer allowed to crush ED drugs into their shepherd’s pie and call it “Aroused Shepard’s Pie.” Please keep in mind, the showing of the sexual harassment video is immediately after the next potluck and we cannot have our male employees wolf whistling at the actresses again!
Payroll is no longer in charge of deserts. I have received too many complaints from workers whose candy bowls were relocated to the potluck table without their consent. Additionally, fingernails were found at bottom of Eugene’s jellybean bowl last week and the starlight mints didn’t dissolve in anyone’s mouths! That was sixteen health violations right there!
On a positive note, Eddy “the Plunger” Bartovich has finally submitted his sworn affidavit stating that he indeed does wash his hands before preparing his Mexican bean dip. Ole!
Once again, I will be not be able to attend due to a lunch meeting with a high profile client. If you need to reach me, call the hot dog vendor on the corner of 43rd and Wall Street. Ask for Buba.
Regards,
ChiefDodo
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:48 am
ChiefDodo is an exemplary role model for a CEO of such a distinguished organization. I presume you have the standard $50 million golden parachute; if not, I recommend you look into one right away. Otherwise, you could actually be fired for not doing your job and not get paid for it. Such tragedy!