Staff Memo – Expense Accounts
DodoEggs.com
Where planning to do business is our business plan.
Where a hundred people with sense are worth a dollar
Where only the coffee runs in the black
Dear DodoEggs.com staff,
During contract negotiations, some of our white collared workers have petitioned for an expense account along with a raise in their pay package. Representatives bombarded me with charts and graphs showing a tremendous discrepancy between our executive’s egos and their compensation.
I learned a great deal about the suffering executives endure. Imagine the stress involved in continually having to wear dry cleaned clothes and being required to get half of all major business decisions right. Then the executive tattled and mentioned that the Maintenance Department didn’t adhear to my latest round of budget cuts.
( Attention Maintenance Department: When I institute a budget cut that means everyone and everything! Twenty percent across the board pertains to toilet paper as well. I cannot make exceptions. Institute the “roll back” immediately.)
Anyway, back to executives wanting expense accounts.
I couldn’t agree more. No one needs them more than those who take potential advertisers and clients through the drive-through. To that end, we are issuing gold Undiscovered Cards through a Mexican bank. Use them anywhere pesos are accepted. (They won the bidding process by a wide margin! In fact, we can even report the kickbacks and they still win! Bueno!)
These cards are issued by Payroll anywhere Payroll can be found. However, they have moved. I’m not sure where and they won’t tell me. (Attn Eugene: Set a box of those stale dainshes in the hallway and see if someone from payroll pops up.)
This situation is untenable so I am offering twelve expense accounts to the first person that brings me the head of one of those knuckleheads. I’m serious. That’s enough pesos to buy half of Baja California.
Negotiated into regular employees contracts will be large poster boards set up in each department. Supervisors will have gold and silver foil stars to place next to every employee’s name that does a good job. Get twelve gold stars and you can pick from the prize vault. I’ll bet ChickenPoop.com doesn’t have a prize vault for their employees!
Also, I will no longer give audience to complaints about the homeless men we hire for temp work. I am aware that our sudden lack of office supplies has coincided with the construction paper shantytowns being built under the over pass. I defy anyone to prove that those paper clips and staples came from us.
From your bbf (best boss forever)
ChiefDodo
Leave a Reply