Dodo Eggs

The lifeguard room at the public pool is a concrete and cinder block cube.  Its volume is fully adorned with all the charms one would expect of a teenage communal environment:  haphazard piles of last season’s supplies, wet towels waiting to ferment, graffiti inscribed table, and a fly swatter that has seen more death than a firing squad. 

One of my fellow guards was sitting across the guardroom table from me.  Sam’s jaw moved in languid fashion.  He was finishing a sad looking hamburger and was mesmerized by the gray bits of beef that were mashed together like edible particleboard. 

I interrupted his daze.  “You know what?  Life has more problems than answers.  I mean black holes, bad weather, the fading thrill of something new, dirty diapers, and the square root of negative four all are without solution.”

“So?”

“Well, our guard rotation is such a problem.  It’s like a painfully slow chain reaction.  One guard gets down the next but it takes at least five minutes for the last guard to get on break.  On days when we have so many guards up we could break the one long rotation into two smaller ones.  People would get on break sooner.”

Sam moved the food he was chewing to the side of his mouth.  “Mr. T, we start the rotation five minutes early so you get to start your break on time and you usually do.”

“But that’s just it.  Instead of losing five minutes on the front, we’re taking five minutes off the back.  Check your stopwatch.”

I let my tone become sarcastic.  “Confucius say, ‘You still get fifteen minutes.”

He took another bite.  His words had to fight through mashed ground beef.  “But wouldn’t you rather go up early than get down late?”

“Is it important to put on your left shoe before your right?”

Sam reached over and picked up his cell phone.  It hadn’t rung or vibrated.  I was loosing him.

“Hey Sam,” My tone became emphatic.  “Have you heard the one about the Polish broom and the Jewish dustpan?  (lengthy pause)  It’s the joke that’s sweeping the nation.”

The door to the guardroom opened and Megan stuck her head inside.  “Mr. T, you’re three minutes late for rotation.  Watch the clock.  Let’s go.”

• Cold Water
• Good Egg & Bad Egg 6
• Thankfulness
• Cooking With Love
• Chinese Characters