Dodo Eggs

Due to a lack of quality applicants for employment at DodoEggs.com we are simplifying the application process.  Our new form utilizes built in assistance for prospective employees who have the ability to read.  Look for the ( ).

DodoEggs.com
Scrambled Thoughts from Fried Thinkers
Application for Employment (Desperation Version)

Name (Optional, We have nicknames available.) ______________________

Address(Optional, Our new Cubical-topia office furniture allows you to sleep under your desk.  Filing wardrobes are also available.)

Street ___________________________________  City ____________________ 

State ________  Zip (5 numbers only please)_______________ 

Date of Birth  5 – 14 – 2001  (Note: All employee birthdays are celebrated on the same day to decrease unproductive time on semi-festive office parties)

Social Security Number(Under 60?  You know you’re not getting this money back, right?  Need a number?  Try using your weight, IQ, then the balance on your credit card.  Done!)  __ __ __ – __ __ – __ __ __ __

Reasons for Seeking Employment(We accept honest answers!  Improved solitaire times are ok!  Stealing office supplies is commendable.  Our trend setting casual Wednesdays, hobo Thursdays, and unwashed Fridays may be attractive to you.)

_______________________________________________________

Department of Interest  (Product Development and Quality Control could really use some help.  Write one of those.  Use the previous sentences for spelling assistance.)
______________________________________________________

Education  ___N A _____  (None of us are working in the field we got our degree in so what’s the point?)

Previous Employment  (Use the following word bank to construct three previous professions.  Just put two or three together!)

Caregiver            Professional            Wrestler            Hazardous

Supervisor               Gofer                   Marine                Biologist

Stunt                         Adult             Entertainment         Computer

Mechanical               Money              Homeless             Panhandler

   1) _________________________________     Dates__________ to _________

2) ___________________________________     Dates__________ to _________

3) ___________________________________     Dates__________ to _________

References  (Honestly, we’ve forgotten why we do this.  Just put some of the names you wish your parents had given you.  Do you have any imaginary friends we could contact?  Any pets that can vouch for you?)
Name ________________  Phone _____ – _____ – ______ Relation ____________

Name ________________  Phone _____ – _____ – ______ Relation ____________

Name ________________  Phone _____ – _____ – ______ Relation ____________

Expected Salary  (We will submit this to Payroll when they return from their three year long conference along the Yucatan coast.  Until then, just submit all you personal expenses in the form of purchase orders.)
______________________

Signature (The more indecipherable the better.) _________________________

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