Dodo Eggs

Resume for Matt Teply
Just In Case Drive
Salary, TN 95,000

Objectives: 
I plan to one day design a recliner that is a fashionable addition to a well-designed living room and not an eyesore.  Let’s make complete lumbar support blend perfectly with any scheme.  

Skills:
*I can type with both hands and am able to use spell check with outstanding proficiency.

*I am able to strike thumb with hammer without cussing (some crying).

*I am able to guess waist size to within three inches.  (I was county fair champ. Lard County, South Dakota – 1992)

*Good posture.

Education:
*Completed one-year certificate program at Philbert Online University.  (Home of the Fighting Coasters!)

*Completed four-year degree at Dakota University – Medora Branch.  (Lost degree and cannot remember what my major was.  Sorry.)

Experience:
*Found twenty-three cents in roommate’s old couch.

*In past lives, I’ve invented electricity, the Internet, and parted the Red Sea.

*Taught mathematics and evil looks to middle school students.  All my students held their pencil correctly on statewide testing!  (6 years)

*126 straight days without debilitating halitosis.

Synopsis:
By adding me to your staff, I will forever fill out employee surveys to your pre-directed satisfaction.  I am ready to speak highly of you during breaks, in the lunchroom, and wherever employees gather.  I can also ask your secretary if she likes you. 
  
Your Corporation is like a smile with a missing tooth.  I am one sharp tooth!

• Honorary Pomp
• Shakespeare’s Evil Twin
• Mental Mechanisms
• Laying Dodo Eggs
• DumbKnuckle – Lesson 5