A Roach’s Tail
Hard-bitten by winter’s blast and summer’s treacherous heat, Dakota Territory continues in its unassuming way. The rest of the country may ignore the northern prairie but Dakota understands that “no news is good news.” In fact, this is the strange part of this humble territory’s beauty.
And one other thing, there are no roaches in Dakota. (Note to North Dakota Tourism Commission: You really weren’t dealt much so play with the cards you’ve got. This roach thing really has legs…I mean wings…no that’s not right.)
The first time I ever encountered a roach was my sophomore year in high school. You read that correctly, I had never crossed paths with those six-legged creatures until I was fifteen living at a boarding school.
The school conscripted its students to take care of all the menial tasks. Cleaning the classrooms, washing dirty pots, and hauling away the garbage was all done by the student body. When a truck of food arrived, the resident administrator would roam the boy’s dorm looking for those without a book in their hands.
A team of able-bodied boys was lined up outside the kitchen. I was among them just hoping to get the job over with so I could resume the video game I was playing on Leon’s computer.
Leon tapped my shoulder. “Now look, it’s still my turn when we get back.”
“I know Leon.”
“Well don’t forget because I’ve been playing for two hours and I don’t want to loose my work.”
“It’s not work Leon. I believe the word you’re looking for is stupid-game-hogger.”
The truck was filled with sacks of shredded potatoes and other prepackaged produce. The cook, a woman named Mrs. Patterson, stood just inside the door pointing and directing with all the flare of Patton. With each armful, the other boys and I were closer to getting everything into the walk-in cooler.
“Hey, look at this!” The voice was Sam’s and it came from inside the cooler. “Someone get me something to put this on.”
Someone found a brick and took it into the cooler with all the other boys in tow.
“What did you find?”
Sam marched out of the cooler with a frosted roach. It was only an inch and a half long with ice lacing its body. The boys crowded around to get a good look. The frozen roach was lifted like a prized catch and heralded like a prize-winning trophy.
That is, until Mrs. Patterson caught wind of our discovery. “What are you doing with that disgusting thing? Here, throw it away!”
I was scarred by the experience. I made a steel vow right there that I would never live in a land were such vile insects existed. My vow has been thrown away but I still cling to my initial reaction to a roach…cringe, squeal like a girl, and back away.
July 28th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Noah should have stepped on those two roaches…..
July 29th, 2008 at 9:26 am
squeal like a girl? good thing i’m not a feminist or we would have problems.
by the way, i had a dream last night and u were in it. i was up on the stand on b3 at sc. u ran up to my stand, screamed profanity, knocked me into the water took the tube and sat on b3 like nothing happened. it hurt my feelings.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:33 am
At times like these, I am so thankful for your big foot!!!! It is always the most appropriate weapon!!!!!!
And I agree with Jake!!!!:)
July 29th, 2008 at 9:34 am
YOu should really stay out of other people’s dreams!!!:)
July 30th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
so you now live in an area with roaches… look on the bright side, at least you get to watch fireflies in the summer. haha Now that’s something you would miss out on if you still lived in the Dakotas.
August 1st, 2008 at 7:59 am
response to jenn the fireflies are really thick this year …. tons of them tell nate hello
August 4th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Let me enlighten your readers. Matt has figured out a way (although he now lives in the south) to keep roaches at bay. No, it’s not a hired exterminator, it’s a cat named Cleo. She earns her keep by killing roaches (I think she eats them).
August 4th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
story was funny but jake’s comment was funnier