Dodo Eggs

Pro-Activity, Cooperative Retroflexing, Synchronous Omni-Market Approach, Executive Plastic Surgery…This is the Verbiage that makes DodoEggs.com the world leader in typos and misspellings.
Less Comprehension for a Brighter Tomorrow!

Dear Employees,

We don’t have any women on staff here at DodoEggs.com.  Thusly, I have modified all female bathrooms in our Manhattan office building to equestrian centers for miniature ponies.  The pony near my office is just for me so if I catch anyone riding Glue Stick I’ll take all the glitter out of the grooming kits on your floor.  I’m talking to you Eugene!

Back to the point…Our legal department has informed me that we need a sexual harassment policy to protect any strange women who deliver food or walk into our offices by accident. 

I don’t want there to be any confusion.  Women want to be noticed and have their hair, clothes, and eyes complimented BUT NOT if you fall into any of the following categories: ugly, creepy, short, fat, clumsy, wart-ridden, or uncontrollable facial hair.  I’m still talking to you Eugene!

The following list contains derogatory names that I think are so funny you can use them.  None of you were planning on running for public office anyway.

“Sugarbritches” – Cock one eyebrow up a bit as you say this for maximum effect.  If you’ve got an oiled, pencil-thin mustache, that would help.

“Lovebutt” – Shortened from the Latin phrase, “I love your butt.”  The meaning is largely maintained in its current from.  Always remember, girls love to know you like their butt.

“Trancechest” — Women love to be called by this name. It assures them that there are other parts of the body we can focus on during a conversation besides her eyes.

“Ginger Crotch”– First used by Randy Vanentino during his career in silent films. This surefire line will almost make her heart burst with affection.  In some countries the phrase is “Ginger Genitals.” Be sure to ask your travel agent.

Please remember, if the female becomes hostile tell her you work for ChickenPoop.com.

• Staff Memo – Employee Manual
• Cupid Correction
• Loving the Drama – LAB
• Staff Memo – Coorporate Gym
• Staff Memo – Corporate Gym