Dodo Eggs

Rejection Letter from the Publishers of Greater Homes and Gardens

DodoEggs.com Staff,

Thank you for your recent submission to our magazine.  Our sponsors and subscribers demand better than the absolute garbage you sent us and in a No Postage Necessary If Mailed In The US envelope as well!

Our magazine is already 66% ad material, 23% pretty pictures, and 10% stuff we steal from Eastern European publications.  If your submissions do not fall into one of these categories then don’t bother.
 
The self important staff at Greater Homes and Gardens likes to keep a bulletin board across from the toilet where we post the worst ideas for our magazine’s features.  Yours has been pinned to the top for five weeks straight.  It even beat out a personal favorite “Teddy Bears and Nooses, New Arrangements for Spring.”

We have returned your letter to you and washed our hands in lavender soap.

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Does the uplifting feeling that comes with giving a dollar to your church or charity get old?  Do you often wish there was a convenient way to offer the state additional funds?  Try instant lottery tickets!  Your receipt is often well decorated with foil and empty promises.  Plus, you can buy (donate) as much as your generosity allows.

Here, we offer additional uses for used lottery tickets.

10. Glued on backing for your mother’s worst recipes.

9. Wallet thickener to give the ladies the right impression.

8. Coasters with just enough pizazz to impress your low-end friends.  What a conversation starter!

7. Bait to lure stupid leprechauns.  They keep confusing them for their imagninary pot o’ gold! 

6. Nesting material for the hamster that has everything.

5. Identifying rows of marijuana in your garden without alerting the authorities.  Don’t worry, I won’t tell.

4. Create a scrapbook using the tickets as mementos from your favorite gas station.  “Man, that was a great fill-up!”

3. Labeling pyrite, otherwise known as fool’s gold.   (Note to DodoEggs.com readers: I was running out of ideas here.)

2. Getting the attention of ugly strippers.  (And definatly here.)

1. Book marking your place in the personal finance book you received for Christmas. 

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