Optimist
To make one pessimist you will need:
1 ounce of screw-ups
3 cups of lima beans
A pinch-that’s it, a pinch (think about it.)
One over ripe scowl
Two moldy fortune cookies
To make an optimist you will need:
2 sticks of hope
3 first dates
A pint of homemade ice cream
The scent of grandma’s kitchen
A found twenty-dollar bill
For those people whose wool has already been dyed, you can determine your nature by trying this situation. Think of it as a litmus test for the acidity of your soul.
Matt was reliving himself in the back stall of the men’s locker room. It’s 7:30 in the morning and he just stepped down from the lifeguard stand. The sports complex is an old one. He is surrounded by corrosion and musty smells but it’s quiet, which is all Matt really wants.
From the front, someone yells, “Is there a Matt in there!”
Matt scowls and begins preparations for early departure but he doesn’t respond. Who could be bothering him now!? If Matt were Buddha, he be in the middle of his Zen-serenity thing!
“Is there a Matt Teply in there?” It’s one of the maintenance ladies.
“Yes! What is it?!”
“Your wife called! She said to call her back it’s really important!”
Matt leaves the locker room and marches to the front desk; confusion sticking to the back of his shoe. Half way there, the maintenance lady hands a him a note that says, “Matt, call your wife now! Something important has happened!”
Here’s the test…
The pessimist would be filled with dread. A million different worse case scenarios would fly through his thinking. Not one positive output is considered. His chest tightens and he steels himself for the worst.
The optimist doesn’t know what’s going on. He fails to assume anything positive or negative. He runs through his best guesses and when that fails, he simply shrugs. He picks up the phone wondering what could possibly be so important.
In this situation, Matt was convinced something disastrous had happened.
When Melissa picked up the phone, she said, “Hey guess what! I won 100 dollars in gas from the radio station. I just had to tell someone!
Were you busy when I called?”
July 8th, 2008 at 7:37 am
So I guess Matt is a pessimist. That would explain the rotten fortune cookie smell…
July 8th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Hey! It was exciting!!!!:)
July 8th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Wow that would be exciting! Free gas! I dont know what more exciting… that you will be having another child or that you got free gas!! Its a toss up but Im gonna go with the news of the second born.
July 8th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Ha. Early departure…. This could be a major turning point in your life..
July 11th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Matt, I have to disagree. I’m more inclined to think that the difference in the two lies in choice. It takes a conscious effort to be optimistic, say, when something you hope for falls through. No one is “naturally” optimistic, I don’t think. Even if they were, it would only be a sort of temperament. Maybe you get cynical when you have to mow the lawn, but maybe my threshold goes further. In any case, the moment in which one naturally begins to be pessimistic (and we all do this, since we are fallen creatures), presents the possibility of an optimist to be born. At that moment there is a choice – feel sorry for yourself, or, try to turn the negative situation into a positive one. I’m not saying some people aren’t grumpier or happier BY NATURE. Of course they are, but I think these are just happy people and grumpy people.
That’s my take on it anyway. I think there is hope for everyone, even those inclined to suppose something bad has happened in the scenario you mention above. Maybe they’ve been having bad luck, or maybe a bad incident has colored their past. If you got a call at 2 a.m. one morning, telling you someone you knew was in a car wreck, what would you think the next time someone called at odd hours?
Then again, maybe I’m too optimistic in thinking that everyone has the opportunity to be an optimist.
July 21st, 2008 at 9:31 am
hemroids could be well worth a call as well
July 21st, 2008 at 9:33 am
umm do you have a pinecone and a stick refer to the above answer
July 27th, 2008 at 12:28 am
chris should start his own website… he has a lot to say