Dodo Eggs

How would you like to date my daughter?  Interested?
 
Don’t bother answering the question.  I already know how you would reply.  If you’re a red blooded male you would ask, “Well, what does she look like?” 
 
There’s no reason to feel guilty about your answer.  I spent years in college waiting for the right bells and whistles.  Unfortunately, many of the women in my college sphere showed off things like kindness, chastity, and godliness.  There was no chance of them catching my juvenile eyes!
 
Here’s an arch-typical conversation on the dating subject with some of my college dorm mates.  I have omitted the names.  In their place, I have written their most dominant trait in parenthesis. 
 
(Freshman who can’t wake up for a 10 AM class) asks, “Matt, why don’t you just pick a girl to date?  I mean they’re around just date one?”
 
I responded, “You’re kidding right?  Why would I spend time and money on a girl who doesn’t turn my crank?  I’d get more excited putting money into that rare penny I’ve been wanting.  And guess what, the coin wouldn’t become angry when I make a date with a different date.  Get it?”
 
Without warning, (Lets his cereal sit until it’s soggy because he likes it that way) said, “Girls don’t like me.”
 
(Half his student loan check is paying for his expensive car) chimes in, “Well, what are you looking for then?”
 
“I’m looking for a pretty package first then I’ll worry about what’s inside.  Picture a Christmas tree loaded with tinsel, ornaments, and lights. Underneath is a jumbled pile of gifts that have you and your brothers jumping up and down with excitement.” 
 
I spread my arms and raised my voice bringing their imaginations to life.  “Mother finally relents and tells everyone they can open only one.  How do little boys chose? 
 
(Stinks the bathroom so bad you can’t breath) responds, “Which one looks the best!”
 
(Uses other people’s deodorant) says, “I look at the tag.  Reputation is important.”
 
I continued.  “Pretend each gift is like a woman, some wrapped in high gloss, pink foil with silk ribbons.  A few are clapped together with pages from the funny papers.  A few are disguised with paper grocery bags, twine, and heavy wax stars drawn with jumbo crayons. 
 
Most of the time there’s no telling what’s on the inside but that’s what’s important!  It’s not the wrapping paper that will make you happy.  Heck, eventually that’s thrown away anyway.”
 
(So stupid he can’t write in cursive) yells, “But I like the wrapping paper!”
 
“I like wrapping paper too.  And when you’re meeting girls for the first time that’s all you have to appraise them.  It takes time to shake them and weigh them and find out who brought it and everything else a guy can use to estimate what’s inside.”
 
“I get it!”  Blurts (Works out and wears tank tops to class so everyone knows it).  “And gifts get angry when you shake them then just put them back!”
 
(Calls his mom too often to be normal) adds, “Yea, and if you do open the gift and try to return it, it becomes a huge ordeal!”
 
I cringed a bit.  “Wait, you’re taking this metaphor a little too far.  All I’m saying is that it’s not shallow for a guy to look at a woman’s exterior first because that’s the first and by far the easiest way to estimate a woman before he gets to know her.”
 
As if summoned by the power of our collective testosterone, a female walks by the boy’s lounge on her way to the dorm. 

“Hey, watch this,”  (Hasn’t eaten anything but fast food for three weeks) says as he jumps up and opens the door.  “Hey baby, what’s your tag?”
 

• Running on Fumes
• The Gift of Giving
• Male Studies – Letter 12, Page 1
• Ask Dr. Pokorny
• Thankfulness