Dodo Eggs

Quoth the bard, “The eyes are a mirror to the soul opening the emotions to the outside world.  The nose is a scribe writing memories in indelible ink and painting flavor to our mind.  From the mouth issues the soul’s finished product; the spirit’s end result.”

I was serving my morning duty in the lunchroom.  The kids had come in from the bus and filled the seats around the cafeteria tables.  If the early hour subdued them, it isn’t by much.  They were loud, really loud. 

“All this noise and they really have nothing important to say.”

I walked by a table and decided to eavesdrop.  One boy in a gray hood was turned in his seat so that his back was to me.  “So then this #$@ says to me, ‘What up ^#^$$#!’  So I says, You know ‘%^&#@.”

The boys he was talking to saw me and realized I was listening.  They all leaned back as one and waited to see what I was going to do.  I was hooked now.  I took a deep breath and walked toward them. 

The office wasn’t interested in me sending a kid just for foul language.  Office violations were required to be of a much harder nature like pilfering medications from the nurses office or urinating in the bathroom soap dispencers.  The bar has been raised. 

There was really nothing I could say to keep this kid from using profanity again two minutes after I left, but decided to try.  “You know, you shouldn’t use profanity.”

“Why?” 

(Note: “Why?” and its near cousins, “What for?” and “I don’t care.” are the most common responses to correction.  It’s in the student orientation manual somewhere.)

I squelched my annoyance and gave it my best shot.  “There are lower class people and there are upper class people.  The lower classes have to use that kind of language because of a limited vocabulary and a terrible lack of good manners.”

He tries to bait me.  “My dad cusses.”

“Then your dad has chosen lower class behavior when better options are available.”

He shrugged and I returned to wandering the cafeteria.

Incidents like this create a stark contrast to my own attitude in middle school.  My conscious weighed too heavily on me.  I even went through the trouble of creating “diet profanity.” 

The comic strips used punctuation and symbols to represent swearing.  I decided to try this but it somehow didn’t sound right to stub a toe and yell, “Exclamation point!” or “Swirly mark!” 

I adjusted by trying a few of the lesser known members of the punctuation family. Forgetting to bring a pencil to class I mumbled, “Tilde!” ( ~ )  Then looked around to see any of the other kids heard my mild profanity. When I incorrectly answered an English question I used, “Ampersand!” ( & )  The expression only earned a few odd looks.

My version of profanity never really caught fire.  However,  liberal use of, “Asterisk!” ( * ) did almost get me in trouble at home.

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• The Rift Tonic (Part 1)
• Dumbknuckle – Lesson 4