Dodo Eggs

From the Desk of Norm dePlume
Professor of Equestrian Cosmetology
Faculty Winner, Office-to-Clubhouse Award for most humorless comics on office door. 

To my peers in the field,

Remarkable news!  Our study of the sadly typical college male has uncovered an incredible new species!  Latin has no proper words to describe these dime sized single celled organisms.  We are forced to name them MASCULUM PATHETICUSor koodies for short.

For years, these spontaneously generated organisms have eluded scientists.  Their transparent organelles and cellular membranes make them nearly impossible to see with the unaided eye.  But we all knew they were there!

Glands in the human body generate the right conditions for koodies which are a by-product of testosterone and estrogen production.  The hormone then dissolves these organisms unless the hormone is created in too small amounts (kids ages 6 to 12) or the sex hormone is not being used to influence behavior and/or appearance (Binko and Zits).

Masculum Patheticus seem to concentrate in undergarments, toothbrushes, book bags, and lunch boxes.  However, there is anecdotal evidence to suggest that koodies can be translated by sharing something as innocuous as a pencil or sitting too close at lunch.

Our research staff discovered them due to the outstandingly high concentrations in Binko and Zits room.  Colonies of Masculum Patheticus were so outstandingly thick they were sticking to the camera lenses and using their flagella to make rude gestures.

We don’t believe that becoming infected with koodies leads to any long-term health effects.  However, social peers seem unconsciously alerted to any infestation and make a decision to avoid the infected person.  This can lead the victim to feelings of self-loathing and social avoidance. 

These are reasonable responses.  After all, they have koodies.

We are working on a permenant cure but thus far the only treatments that have proven effective are good looks, standing on one foot, a nice car, having your fingers crossed, and lots and lots of money. 

    We’ll keep you abreast,
 

  Norm dePlume
 

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